Athena's Other Blog

Happy 2012 - The World Will End in 348 Days

2012-01-08T02:30:00.000-08:00

So, we're over a week into 2012 - and probably the world won't really end on the 21st of December, but who knows? Anyway, this isn't a the world is going to end post so much as it's a generic New Year's resolutions and stuff post.

New Year's resolutions - don't have many. The typical one, starting tomorrow (I was on vacation on the first and wholly refuse to start dieting while on vacation - and while I can follow a diet on the weekend, starting one just seems wrong somehow.), start eating better, start exercising regularly, be bikini ready by the summer (this is going to be extremely difficult, because I need to loose almost 15 pounds and turn my remaining belly flub into toned muscle in a few months) and look amazing for my sister's wedding; Learn enough Slovak that I can talk to mi novio's parents without a translator; get another novel published; write every day.

It doesn't really seem like that much to do, typed out neatly in a list like that, but I don't have any illusions that any of this is going to be easy. A lot of people manage. People who, even if they're really amazing, cool people, you just want to hate because they're so together and seem to manage to work full time, follow a tone of other hobbies/dreams/ ambitions and look amazing while doing so, but people none the less. I'd like to be one of those people, I think. It would probably suck to have everyone be jealous of you and secretly hating you, but I think it would be worth it, really.

I think mainly, I just need lists. Or something to help me concentrate. Ritalin? I don't know.

I don't much feel like ending this with some inspirational crap about how this year will be different, how I'll force myself to focus on what matters, etc, because, frankly, I don't know that I will. But I will say that 2011 has been absolutely amazing, without a doubt, the most interesting year of my life so far and certainly the one in which I was most proactive. If I could boil this all down to one resolution, it would be to make 2012 even better.

I Know...

2011-12-17T14:31:00.000-08:00

So, I've been away for a while. Not really away, just away from blogging. Busy and stuff.

I got a job. It's a good job and I like it, even if it's not the kind of job I ever imagined myself doing. The perks are excellent and the people are wonderful. Our department's Christmas party was Friday. I had my first (and second (and come to that, possibly 3rd, though I can't remember for sure)) Jagerbomb, 2 G&Ts and a glass of champagne. With the exception of the second G&T, which a coworker bought for me, these drinks were all free, paid for by the company. It was great to see everyone let loose, even if some of them let a little looser than they should.

I sadly did not finish my NaNoWriMo story, Quicksand in November. I made it to about 21,000 words and couldn't manage any more. This whole working full time thing has gotten harder since I was doing it last. I honestly think that's just the weather, though, because I work until 6:00 and right now that means I'm there until after dark.

I sold enough shirts to get the Reactionary Motors one for my Dad for Christmas. My dreams of having the Bitch, Please one for myself have been put on hold, but such is life.

I was just about to write about our plans to visit Slovakia over Christmas, and I realize now that I've totally neglected to say anything at all about Prague, which was wonderful and will get a whole blog post shortly.

Also, somewhere in the confusion of November and December, our flatmate, whose Internet we used and paid toward, left and the Internet was disconnected (we'd recently given him £30 to it - not impressed)

My Slovak is not improving as quickly as I'd hoped. Need to get working on that.

I think that's all for now. I'll post about Prague soon, and try to keep a little bit more updatey in the meantime.

Canadian Thanksgiving in the UK

2011-10-09T09:04:00.000-07:00

Thanksgiving has never been a huge deal for me. I really like it, but it's never quite held the same emotional ties as, say, Christmas or Halloween. At least it hadn't, until this year.

This is the first year I've been outside of Canada for Thanksgiving, and I'm finding it (in part because the shops have already started putting out Xmas merchandise) pretty tough. I've recently re-broken the record for the most time spent away from my family (It has now been 8 months since I last saw any of my friends or relatives) and rather than me getting used to my homesickness, my homesickness is getting worse. It's little things, like the fact that the stores here don't sell egg nog, or that despite going to two different grocery stores, the closest thing we'll have to cranberry sauce tonight is "Cranberry juice drink" No one sells Brownburry Farce, or even tubs of breadcrumbs. I did find a whole turkey, but it was one of the pre-spiced kind, so we're having chicken instead.

And yes, I know there's more to Thanksgiving than the food, but that's just it. The food is wrong and the family and friends we're supposed to be sharing this wrong food with are thousands of miles away.

I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself... I know I'm one of the luckiest people alive and I know I should feel nothing but grateful for all the wonder I have in my life. I'm just... I don't even know. Homesick.

Sorry to be such a downer on the one day we're all supposed to pull our heads out of our asses and appreciate what we have. I'll try to post a little later, when I'm in a better mood.

NaNoWriMo makes me cry.

2011-10-04T05:02:00.000-07:00

From NanNoWriMo's NaNo in a Nutshell:

Who: You! We can't do this unless we have some other people trying it as well. Let's write laughably awful yet lengthy prose together.
Why: The reasons are endless! To actively participate in one of our era's most enchanting art forms! To write without having to obsess over quality. To be able to make obscure references to passages from our novels at parties. To be able to mock real novelists who dawdle on and on, taking far longer than 30 days to produce their work.

Ugh.

Finest Pain. Ow.

2011-08-14T06:18:00.000-07:00

I'm coming up with post titles by reading random things again. It actually says FINEST PAIN AU CHOCOLAT... and has, as these things often do(n't?) nothing to do with anything.

So...

The London Riots
were stupid. They seem to be over now and there is, of course, a lot of talk about what caused them. They started after Mark Duggan, a 29-year-old father of three, was shot dead by police in Tottenham. I'm not sure if this was a botched arrest or what, but what followed was a candle-light vigil two days later. The participants of that vigil marched toward the Tottenham police station. And after that, the explanation is that it "turned violent" or that "violence erupted".

The vigil makes sense. Yes, by all means, if you think a powerful group of people, especially your own government, has done something wrong, protest. By all means, be imposing, get in their way, show them how many people think what they've done is wrong, are willing to fight for justice - but how the hell does setting people's homes/cars/businesses on fire achieve anything?

And, of course, now there are people blaming the government cuts and unemployment and the rising cost-of-living and poor parenting and anything they can think of other than the little bastards that seized the opportunity to get free shit and light stuff on fire. Yeah. The government is oppressing me and treating me unfairly. Society has turned its back on me. I'm going to go steal some trainers and mug an old lady.

Waitressing
sucks, but it's getting better. I feel like I never know where I'm supposed to be. I keep getting told different things by different people and if I ask a question, a lot of the time, whoever I asked gives me a dirty look then just does what I'm supposed to be doing. Actually, a lot of the time, I literally don't know where I'm supposed to be because I now have three restaurants to work in and all my rota says is when I'm working, not where.

I really like the chefs and the kitchen porter guys. I remember a kind of rivalry between the wait staff and the kitchen staff at the last kitchen I worked in, and I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the wait staff treating us like trash. I try not to do that, to make sure I say please and thank you, regardless of how busy I am, and not to make a huge mess with the dirty dishes.

All whining aside, I'm starting to get the hang of it, I think. Today was pretty ok.

Bad Parenting
annoys me. I have a table of regulars with this kid. The youngest he could possibly be is 8 and that's an over-sized, over-developed (physically) 8. My guess would be that he's 10-11, although, physically, he could be 12-13. But let's, just to give him the benefit of the doubt, say he's 8. I've served his family three times now. He has eaten only pork (I mean only) on all three occasions. One time, he got paid to finish his "meal". He's rude and needs to be the centre of attention - but he's 8, so I guess we can make allowances - except, I've seen him punch his grandmother in the back twice (as in on two occasions, two punches per time), once because he ignored being asked for his order and she pointed out that this was rude and once, I think, just for fun - although he asked for money after this, so maybe for money? And his mother sat there and said nothing, pretended not to see. His grandfather sat there and said nothing. His older brother shot me an apologetic look, as if to say, Yeah, I know, but what can you do. I can't even imagine what would have happened if I had behaved this way - and I won't say at his age. I mean, at all. Ever. Well, yes I can. If I had been two and hit my grandmother, I would be sent to my room. If no room was available, to the car (for years, I didn't realize that my parents actually were stood near by, watching said car) and I would have stayed there until I was ready to apologise. Violence begets violence, I guess, because now I really want to punch this kid in his face.

Someone
is having a BBQ. I so want it.

NaNoWriMo 2011

2011-08-05T03:43:00.000-07:00

So I've started working on the outline and character sketches for NaNoWriMo 2011. It is going to be one incredibly effed up story, but hopefully a little amazing as well.

I've also been trying to update devereaux court a lot this month because I think it needs to be updated at least three times a week if we ever want it to get serious readership.

I think that's about it. There's work stuff in there, somewhere, but it's a nice day and I want to go to the beach and not think about jobs and boring crap like that.

The end, for now.

♥

2011-08-01T06:06:00.000-07:00

So I had an interview this morning and I have work tonight. I was hoping my interview would end before mi novio had to be at work, but it didn't; we missed each other by minutes. When I got home, there was a note on my computer, asking me to run an errand. At first, I was all whiney (internally whiney), thinking It's hot, I don't wanna go back out. Why do I have to-- and then I noticed the little smiley face on the bottom of the note and a much more sensible internal voice pointed out that I'm pretty much the luckiest person alive and I should go out in the sunshine and enjoy my damn errand - which is exactly what I did.

Athena the Waitress

2011-07-31T14:12:00.000-07:00

The list just keeps getting longer. I've been a: commissioned painter, flier deliverer, administrative assistant, gas station attendant, Athena (this was my official job title and the people who came after me were called Athenas as well), security guard, security dispatcher, portrait photographer(x2), customer service agent at a gym, graphic designer, room attendant, telemarketer(x2), front desk agent at a hotel, charity fundraiser, order taker at a pizza place and now, a waitress. These are pretty much in the order that I did them, starting from about age 5 or 6 and carrying on through the past 20+/- years - and there's a very high chance that I've left some out.

Waitressing isn't bad. It was much better today (day 2) than yesterday. I had my own tables today (only 2) with really nice guests. Everything went swimmingly. Plus, I now know what a fish fork looks like, which is something I never thought I would have any reason to know. I guess you learn something new every day.

My feet hurt and I'm going to sleep. I don't have to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow morning, which makes me a happy camper, believe you me.

My Adventure with Cancer

2011-07-23T15:41:00.000-07:00

As I write this, I have sitting in my draft posts an open letter to some puritanical nutcase regarding his take on the sexual revolution. The reason it is in draft stage is that, almost 500 words in (not counting footnotes) I still have a lot to say on the subject.

So why is it when today, upon learning that my uncle's cancer has returned, I was rendered completely speechless?

I found out via facebook, of all things. He created a page called My Adventure with Cancer to update his friends and family on his journey while he fights this disease for the second time. Even after the initial shock, when I'd managed to stop crying and calm myself down a bit, I couldn't bring myself to like the page. Of course I want to be kept up to date. Of course I want to be able to send messages of support. But - and this is going to sound stupid - I kept thinking my FB profile page is going to read Athena McCormick likes My Adventure with Cancer.

I told myself this was stupid. Everyone will understand that Facebook uses very limited language to talk about everything, no one is actually going to think that I like the fact that my uncle has cancer. So I decided to click the dreaded like button, to ensure that I'll get emails or updates will end up in my newsfeed or however the Hell Facebook does things these days. But when I went to do it, I still couldn't. I saw all the messages of support coming in from my uncle's friends, offering prayers and well-wishes and I couldn't think of anything to say. At least, nothing that seemed right. I'm not religious. I pray. I prayed every single day from the time I found out he had cancer the first time, until after the surgery he had to remove it. I had a little chant, so as not to leave anything out. That his surgery would work, that they would get all the cancer, that he would be ok. But offering my prayers to the universe-in-general to a Christian man who knows I don't share his faith seems wrong somehow, like taking a coal-powered train to an environmental protest. I thought, I should tell him I love him - and then I thought, how incredibly awkward would that be? My family love each other, of course we do, but we don't go around saying it all the time, and I kept thinking that if I tell him I love him suddenly, after hearing this news, it's going to look like I think he's going to die.

I've lost three family members to cancer, a much-loved aunt and both of my grandfathers. I imagine a world where every disease is cured, every war ended, any injury can be mended and we all die of cancer. What a horrible imagination I have.

Eventually, I came up with what I wanted to say and I said it - part of it. I put it out into the world and now I just have to hope that it was enough, that it was the right thing to say, that the occasion didn't require something more or less or different.

You would think, in a world like ours, so besieged by terrible diseases, there would be a protocol for this, an etiquette. That somewhere, a prim British lady with white gloves and an ugly hat should be telling young girls what to say when a family member is diagnosed - while the girls balance books on their heads and walk in circles around a reception room. You would think.

There's some comfort, perhaps, in the idea that we're all muddling through this, that no one knows how they're supposed to behave in these situations. And it's nice to know that I come from a family of fighters, of people who don't give up, of people who are determined to beat the odds.

It makes me proud. It really does.

IRN BRU - Feel Phenomenal

2011-07-21T05:27:00.000-07:00

Mmmm Irn Bru.
Ok, Irn Bru has absolutely nothing to do with this post, except that mi novio found my bottle from a couple of days ago in his bag this morning, so I have something tasty to drink while I blog.

Yesterday was pretty much a nothing day; I spent the entire day indoors, applying for jobs and not watching a movie. The day before, however...

I woke up at 8:00am, all set to get dressed and get a bus to my new job for 11:30. Except, as I mentioned in the previous post, my new job made me want to kill myself. So I really didn't want to go. Really, as in, the idea of going made me want to burst into tears and/or hyperventilate. I thought because I'd done telesales before, it would be somehow easier this time. Not so. Actually, it's a lot worse when you know that there is no possible chance of your job improving, ever. So after much deliberation and declarations that I would spend every possible moment looking for a new job, if only I could quit this one, I called the recruitment agent who found it for me and told him thanks, but no thanks. I know there will be a lot of people thinking I'm insane because unemployment is so high and yes, there is a chance that things will get so desperate that I have to go crawling back to the recruitment agency and beg for call centre work, but for right now, relieved doesn't even begin to cover how I feel.

On the subject of British nationals who complain that immigrants are stealing all their jobs: I don't blame you at all for not wanting to work in a call centre, but if you really are willing to do anything, there are a lot jobs available. Also, please stop bitching about immigrants getting paid British pensions as if all the money comes from your taxes. If we immigrants are expected to pay into the pension fund, we have every right to take out of it when we retire. Alternatively, if you don't want us collecting pensions, start petitioning your government to have us pay fewer deductions on our wages.

So, after quitting my job (and setting a new record for least time in employment - not counting the 'voluntary assessment' period at a company that was very vague about themselves right up until they tricked me onto a bus and tried to get me to do door-to-door canvasing), I went with my guy to a shop that was having a kick ass sale on outdoor clothing, so he could buy a really good rain jacket for much less than it was worth. He insisted on getting me a jacket too, despite my protests. It's a really nice jacket ♥

After that, we walked around (in our spiffy new jackets) and handed out CVs to a million different hotels and three or four recruitment agencies.

At one of the hotels, we walked in and I saw a bird stuck in the window and trying desperately to escape. So instead of asking if they had work available right away, I ended up catching this tiny bird and setting him free outside. He was so sweet and soft and scared and I really don't care if I killed any chances of them hiring me by rescuing him (personally, if it were my hotel, I'd hire someone because they'd saved a bird from my lobby).

After CVing, the weather had gotten quite warm, probably because we'd just bought rain jackets. I was extremely excited about this because I'd been dying to go swimming since January, when Spoy and I did the polar bear dip in Jasper. So we went home and I changed into my bathing suit, then we went to the beach. The water was ass cold, but swimming was super fun (although short-lived).

After I got changed back into clothes (+jacket), we walked along the beach, then through the park, went to the grocery store and bought salmon and wine and potatoes, came home and had an amazing dinner.

Now it's bucketing down rain, so I think the job search will be conducted mostly indoors today. In either case, it's definitely shower time soon.

And I'm Back

2011-07-18T13:49:00.000-07:00

We finally got our Internet sorted a couple of days ago. Prior to that, we'd been using the computers at the library since moving into the new place, which is why this blog hasn't been updated in a million. So a couple of things...

Number one, the above picture is of a design which I created for a T shirt, mostly for my sisters, but really, for anyone who knows and loves Supernatural (and irony). I'm thinking I'd really like to do an A Team one with the original A Team. I'm a little strapped for time* at the moment, so we'll see how it goes.

*Number two, I got a job, which is why I'm strapped for time. I'm working for a recruitment company and at the moment, they've got me working at a call centre. Today was my first day and I just about left to go buy a melon baller, so that I could remove my eyes and subsequently scoop out my brain. I don't understand how something so mind numbingly dull can be so stressful at the same time. I really don't want to go back tomorrow. Really a lot.

Number three, AthenaMcCormick.com is up and running again. So hooray there.

Now it's time for the new Torchwood, so no plug at the end of this post.

Fish in the Water

2011-07-06T01:03:00.001-07:00

We left Brighton on Saturday night and today we move into our new place. We've been staying with friends in the meanwhile, having a gay old time.

On Sunday, we went to Salisbury Cathedral, Stonehenge and Bath. It was wonderful. I was most excited to see Stonehenge, but at the end of the day, I think the cathedral was the most amazing. We couldn't take pictures of the inside, but as we walked in and I heard the choir singing, I found myself fighting back tears. For people who haven't left North America, it's hard to comprehend the majesty of somewhere like this; we don't have any buildings as old or as grand to compare it to. If you're ever in England, go to Salisbury and see the Cathedral. I can't wait to go back on a day when it isn't in use and see the tower.

Today, being the day we move into the new place, I need to find a new job. Sometimes it seems like all I do is look for new jobs and new places to live... and then I remember all of the new experiences I've had since coming to the U.K. in February, and it seems like I complain a lot more than I ought. Anyway, I did relatively little with the place hunting this time around, so the energy I saved there can go into finding a job.

On that note, I should cut this short and get to it. I'll just mention that a) my end-of-post plug took up way too much space last time and needs to be shorter and b) AthenaMcCormick.com is currently down, but I'm working to get it fixed ASAP.

Aigaion Girl ... a story of the end of days is available on Amazon.com. Get your copy now!

More Dinosaurs

2011-07-01T22:54:00.000-07:00

So, to add to the l ife finds a way design I posted a couple of days ago, I thought I would share this video of a T rex in the mall (sadly, I won't likely be back to this mall for a long time). Wish my BF could have come with me and we could have taken cheesy pictures in front of it, but, alas, he had to work :( Anyway, this is as close to Canada Day fireworks as I'll get on this blog, so please enjoy.

I have so much packing to do today. I should get a jump on it, but I think I need to go back to sleep for an hour or two if I'm going to be anything other than completely useless by this evening.

And, in addition to packing, it's time to start the great job/accommodation hunt yet again. One day, we might live in the same place for several months on end. One day.

I think that's it for me, other than to add that I plan to start shamelessly plugging my stuff (my book, T shirt designs, etc.) at the bottom of every post. You've been warned.

All Apple has ever wanted is to be left alone - but having twelve inch horns sticking out of her head hasn't exactly made that easy. And to make matters worse, she's started to notice the signs; the world is going to end... Now she and her best frienemy, the angel Camael, are torn between doing the right thing and hiding under a rock until it's all over. Meanwhile, Apple is being bedeviled on all sides, by her angel friend, her human mother, her demon father and Moloch, a general of Hell's army, who wants to recruit her for his own unknown reasons.

Aigaion Girl ... a story of the end of days is on sale now. You can get your copy from amazon.com, or click the flag of your country on my writing page.

Lomography

2011-06-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

This post has nothing whatsoever to do with lomography. Thought I'd clear that up now.

I should be sending out CVs or looking for a place but today I'm choosing activities that won't get bollocks'd up if I have to stop suddenly to vomit, as that seems to be the one thing my body is interested in today.

So I figure blogging is safest; I can always come back and fix spelling errors, or pick up where I left off if I need to reach for yet another Sainsbury's bag. I'm sure you wanted to know all of this. On to other things.

I watched Enemy at the Gates yesterday. It's not really good, but I realized something which had hitherto escaped my notice: my guy looks a lot like Jude Law. Very similar eyes, nose, lips and jaw-line. If Jude Law were a touch more masculine (not that I have anything against the pretty boy thing, but I do enjoy my manly man), they could be brothers. Or cousins. Anyway, it was kind a surprising observation to make and I kept looking back and forth to see if the similarities were really there or if I was just imagining them.

I have so much house work to do today and I haven't done any of it. The guys we live with haven't done their washing up in ages, so the sink is disgusting, but I really did plan to tackle it and then take care of the dishes of ours that have been accumulating beside it. Also, I planned to do some packing, some laundry, some anything. I hate being sick and I hate not knowing what's causing it. Mlah, I may actually have to go see a doctor - and also, as much as I hate being sick at work, I almost think it's worse to be sick on your day off - like the sickness steals the day from you or something.

This is quickly becoming a long, rambling, woe-is-me blog post of nothingness, so I think I'll cut it short there. Hopefully I'll have something a little more cheerful to share next time :)

New in the World of Me

2011-06-26T03:56:00.000-07:00

Actually, not too much is new in the world of me, at the moment. Still working at the pizza place, still in the tiny room in the house in the middle of nowhere, still happy and content to a fault.

It's really sunny and beautiful out and really, I should be outside enjoying it - or at the very least, I should be putting the laundry in the washing machine now so that it can be be dry by tomorrow.

We went to Bournemouth the day before yesterday and had a grand time there. Other than being slightly less touristy, it doesn't really seem to be different from Brighton in any significant way. But it was a good day, spent with friends, and full of moments of quiet squee.

In other news, I designed another new T shirt (see the Jeff Goldblum dinosaur to the right). Have to say, I'm pretty pleased with it (Hehe, pretty pleased).

There was one other thing I was going to mention, but now I can't remember what it was. I hate when that happens, but it happens so frequently now that I'm pretty much used to it. Need more B12, I guess.

Additional: I remembered what it was. I was going to say that I'm quite pleased that Blogger finally introduced separate pages - but thinking about it, finally might be stretching it a bit; a few years ago, I looked into it and there was no way to have more than one page, and it never occured to me to check to see if that had changed until I visited this blog either last week or the week before and found that the author had set up multiple pages.

I Forget

2011-06-23T15:45:00.002-07:00

I had so many things to blog about in my mind all day today, but when I actually get the chance to sit down and write something, do you think I can remember any of them? Ah well. I'm leaving Brighton for the first time in 4 months tomorrow; hopefully when I get back, I'll be full of stories.

I Forgot What I was Goin

2011-06-23T15:45:00.001-07:00

2011-06-21T23:40:00.001-07:00

I saw six bunnies and three foxes last night in the park across the road - all in the space of about five minutes. I didn't get any pics, but it was still pretty cool.

Also, I had kind of a crap night at work last night, on account of messing up my first order in over a month of working there, having a pissed off customer as a result, and having a bunch of guys who work there climb down my throat as a result of that. You know what? I had hit my head, I was dizzy and nauseated and I still came to work. I made two mistakes that anyone could have made, but unfortunately, they were on the same order. I apologized for those mistakes - but I don't know. People kept telling me about them, telling me how important it was that I didn't make mistakes like that, telling me how angry the customer was - as if, maybe if I was contrite enough, I'd be able to go back in time and fix everything. Ugh. It doesn't help that I was the only girl working at this point. One girl in a crowd of men will inevitably be treated differently, whether it means being put on a pedistal, treated like a child, or handed a broom - and for the most part, the guys at work tend to opt for the latter. My bosses are the exception to this; they treat all their employees pretty much the same.

There was another girl on in the early evening. A conversation we had, regarding true events.

Her: Are you tired?
Me: No, I just hit my head last night.
Her: Me too, actually. I hit right on the back of my head.
Me: Me too.
Her: My boyfriend was tickling me.
Me:... You're kidding. Me too.
Her: Really? Anyway, I hit my head off the--
Me: Headboard?
Her: Yeah...
Me: Me too.

So strange, that we would have exactly the same story on the same day, when we work in the same place. I have the life of a seventeen year old.

Well, it's before 8am, so this little piggy is going back to bed. My day off today got turned into a day on, which would be smelly, if I didn't need the hours, and is still kind of smelly because my boyfriend works until the exact time that I need to leave for work, so we won't see each other until late (I didn't make it home until nearly 2 last night).

Le Yawn! Ooh, but I bet there's another Eastenders for me to watch.

Another Big Update

2011-06-20T03:12:00.000-07:00

As you can see, I've redone the blog again - or, I should say, I'm in the process of redoing it now. I need a new background, and to add some new pages (and fix the T shirts page) but I'm almost done, for now. I'll probably redo it again in a couple of months, when I have the energy to go in and fiddle with the code.

What else? We moved out of our house and into another at the beginning of May. This place is really small and a million miles away from everything; thankfully, we'll be moving on soon. I'm so tired of moving, but there isn't much for it.

I'm working (finally!) at a pizza place, which is a little embarrassing but ultimately not as bad as it sounds. There are parts of my job that drive me insane, but it's pretty much just a job. Most of the guys there (there are, counting the one that started this week, 5 girls that work there, and over 20 guys) are nice enough. Some are ridiculous and seem to think that because I'm new/female, I'm a) a complete idiot and b) should not be doing anything but bitch work. Luckily, they're in the minority. I really like my bosses, but I wish they would explain to me who is a supervisor and who isn't, so I know who I can tell to stuff it when they wordlessly shove a broom in my face.

In the land of men, I'm perfectly happy with the one I've got... which means that Murphy's Law comes into affect and despite not having gone on a single date during my adulthood pre-M., and despite only being asked out twice between the ages of 16 and 23, I have now, it seems, become a hot commodity. Well. This is a huge exaggeration. But after many years of guys showing next-to-no interest in me, it's really weird. Guys flirt with me on the phone and in person, ask me out, tell me how wonderful I am, despite not really knowing me... call me at really inappropriate times of night, despite knowing that I have a boyfriend... act really awkward around me the next day, as if my annoyance was unjustified... Anyway, even the harmless niceness makes me a bit uncomfortable. And it does, I have to admit, make me wonder where the hell all these guys were from, say ages 12-15 and 16-23. Not that I wish they'd been around; I'm annoyed for my past self, but for my current self, I'm glad they didn't show up.

After what seems like an eternity of being completely drained creatively, I've finally *touch wood* started writing again. It's in dribs and drabs, not the full on, type-like-a-banshee insanity of days of yore, but at least it's something. Once I get my momentum up, I have to decide which project to finish first and just bloody finish it. But for right now, I'm just happy there's something there.

I think that's all of my updatiness for now. I have a million things to do right now, but I'm too cold and tired and hungry to want to do anything other than climb under the covers and nap away the afternoon. Possibly tea could help with this. God, I miss tea.

A Big Update Post

2011-04-14T02:34:00.000-07:00

Wow. Need to blog more.

So, I found a place. It's a great place, a huge house in Hove and I think there are eleven of us living here (there may be more; it's all a bit of a mystery). Our bedroom is massive and has bay windows, so until the beginning of May, I'll be pretending I have a lot more money than I do. We have to find a new place to live for May.

I also found a job - and got fired from it. I signed up with a recruitment agency and within a few hours of applying for this job, I had a call back and by the next day, an interview had been set up. The job, as the recruitment agent described it to me, was to call supporters of charities, thank them for their support and ask if they would be comfortable switching the payments they're already making to direct debit. So I went to the interview It lasted two and a half hours and during it I found out that what the job *actually* was was calling people to ask for money, but only at a level they felt comfortable giving and it was definitely not pushy or salesy. I found out a couple days later that I had the job.

The first two days of work were training. Day one, myself and the 7 other people who got hired with me talked with a couple of the supervisors about what charities are, what our role was, etc. I really hate call centres, but the environment seemed really warm and friendly and I liked the way they did things. Over and over again, one of our 'coaches' kept telling us, when we ask for money, it's ok if the supporter says no. They don't have to justify it to us. They don't have to give reasons. If they say no, we simply thank them for their support and move on*. We weren't there to push people or guilt people.

Day two, we spent the morning learning the computer system and the afternoon looking at scripts. The scripts, at first glance, consisted of Thank you for your help, the world is an awful place, we can do something to fix it, more money? - the particular one I spent my brief time at the company calling on started by asking people to triple the amount of money they were already paying monthly. When they say no (which 99% do, because it's RIDICULOUS to call people who are giving you money and ask them to send you three times more), the script goes to the 'second ask' which is basically: I understand you can't afford that much, the world is a horrible place, we can fix it, please can I have twice as much money as you're currently paying? There are other options, of course, like, 'I understand you're on a pension and supporting eight other charities, babies are dying in the streets, please can we have more money? - But even reading through these insane scripts, we were told, over and over, that if they flat out say they can`t afford it, or if they tell you at the beginning that no, they will not increase their payments, that`s fine. Leave it alone. Don`t upset them. Etc, etc.

The other thing they told us on Day 2, was that we should be nice to each other. We should not brag about the number of pledges we`re getting or be all pitying and sympathetic to those getting less than us. If we had a bad day, we should not sigh and moan, because we`re a team and we don`t want to bring each other down.

Day 3, we actually started calling. Pretty much the first thing they did was march out a big board where they wrote down how many pledges we were each getting. It of course included the people who had been there six weeks longer than us, so the newbies looked a little sad and inept on that board, but we trudged on.

Each day, the approach changed slightly. Suddenly, it was no longer, If they say no, that`s fine. Suddenly, just saying No meant they were waffling a bit and could be persuaded to up their donations. Suddenly, the justifications and reasons for not being able to increase (which people, particularly older people, feel obliged to give when you tell them the world is coming to an end and children and puppies are dying and it`s all going to be their fault if they don`t help) are excuses - and the same nice, friendly people who told us not to push, not to be salesy, that supporters don`t have to justify themselves to us are saying that most people could afford a few extra quid a month, if they really wanted to... and isn`t it annoying how supporters lie about why they aren`t giving more?

So, to be honest, I fully intended to find something else, then quit. But, in the meantime, I decided to do my job to the best of my ability, as much as I hated it, because I was being paid to. So I negotiated as much as I could (morally could, I mean. There is a limit to how far I`m willing to go for money and making people who spend their state pension on charities feel bad for the help they`re offering the world surpasses that limit), listened to the coaches`conflicting advice on how to get more pledges (Be more upbeat, be more urgent, be more indignant, be friendlier, speak lower, speak louder, slow it down, speak faster, be more familiar, be more professional, put more passion into it, be more confident), tried to follow what I could when it didn`t directly conflict with something someone higher up had told me. I was a good little worker bee and put up with them coming and pulling the same demoralizing bullshit they had warned us against, smiled when they hovered behind me while I was on the phone and smiled when then asked me what went wrong if I didn`t get a pledge. I even, on my last night of work, kept my composure when one of the coaches came and told me everything I was doing wrong on a call where I got a pledge, then came back to gloat about how her advice had helped me get another pledge (even though I hadn`t followed it because it went against the only advice I`d been given which had actually helped) - I smiled through all of it... and for my troubles, I was fired.

They weren`t even going to tell me. The lazy bastards were going to wait until I had walked into town for my next shift (yesterday morning) to let me know I`d been sacked. The only reason I found out is that they did tell my recruitment agent, and she decided it might be nice to call me and let me know, so I wouldn`t waste my time slogging into work.

So now I need to start looking for something new. Le Blah. I was going to anyway, but this puts a little more pressure on, money-wise. Boo to the urns.

So, the job hunt and house hunt resume. Also, I have a million to write.

Also, I remain happy and smiling. Nothing seems to be able to keep me down for long - *knock on wood*

*The company I was working for works on behalf of a number of very well known charities, though I can't tell you their names or the company's name; confidentiality agreement.

House Hunting

2011-03-11T03:27:00.001-08:00

From what I can gather, British TV falls into 4 categories: Antiques, Cooking, Property and Col. Gaddafi*.

The shows about property always amaze me. You get this middle class British family saying, "Well, we don't really want to go over 800,000 pounds." WhereTF did you get 800,000 pounds? WHERE? Minimum wage here is less than in Canada, and it seems like every one is getting laid off or having their jobs cut. I want 800 K. It would make my life so much easier.

At the moment (well, not right at the moment, since right at the moment, I'm writing this blog) I'm looking for a place. Finding cheap accommodation in a place like Brighton definitely isn't easy, but it's not as hard as, say, finding cheap accommodation with its own w.c. British people share these, it seems. Also, they often share shower rooms. It's a strange ol' world.

Brighton remains lovely and life remains wonderful, despite my still not being able to work and my being rather sick (I've been sick for days. I don't like it). It seems like I'm always fuzzy headed, either from the drugs or the lack thereof, but everything will be worked out soon, I know it (*knock on wood*)

Ok, cutting this short. I'm going to get myself into trouble if I spend the day in bed and blogging, so it's back to the house hunt for me.

*Also East Enders.

2011-02-23T06:01:00.000-08:00

England is everything I could have hoped for, Brighton especially. I love the old buildings, the melancholy feeling in the air when it is cloudy, the remnants of camping and beaches and old fairs when there is sun.

I love the fashion here. Everyone is fashion conscious, which isn't to say they're well-dressed, but you can tell that time and consideration went into the choosing of every outfit, even the ugly ones. Still, there's a laid back feeling to it; these people dress the way they do not because it is popular, but because the genuinely want to look good.

I was a lot more impressed with central London than I was expecting to be. Maybe because we were there later in the evening or because of the time of year, but I didn't see any of the dirty, overcrowded mess that I had anticipated. It's lovely, incomparable to anything we have in Canada. Not somewhere I would live, given my dislike of people, but still somewhere I can see myself spending a lot of time quite happily.

I could write endlessly, I really could, but right now there's just way too much to see and do, so I'm cutting this short for the moment. More to follow, I'm sure.

Surreality

2011-02-02T04:05:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting at work for the last time, listening to classical music and thinking. I've got two hours left. Hard to believe after nearly 6 months working here.

Something has occurred to me over the past couple of days. I have had 10+ish jobs over the past 10 years and this is the only one that I've actually been sorry about leaving. Of course, I love that I'm going, and I LOVE why I'm going, but it's still going to be hard to say goodbye to this place and the people that make it what it is.

In some ways it feels like I've been here much longer than six months and in some ways it feels like I just got here. I can still clearly remember the 3 day bus ride, my first night in town, spent in room 120, my first nights in Cave Hell, all of it, really, from the summer. I remember being taken on a tour of the town, and, of course, meeting this intelligent, gorgeous man and agonizing over how I would ever get up the courage to ask him out :) It's forever ago and five minutes. Time is definitely malfunctioning here.

I have so much to do today. Most of it is laundry, some of it is packing and a fair bit will be deciding what stuff to donate to charity and what to do with things like that bigass painting that I did in (I'm going to say September, but I'm not sure). Somewhere in there, I need to have a nap, go to the gym, take down the Xmas tree, hopefully go to the bank, head to the post office. Then wings tonight and sushi tomorrow... and then it's off to Edmonton, early, early Friday morning.

It's a whirlwind. Even this shift, which consisted of one phone call, which I transferred, zoomed right by. I remember once, when I was little, we went camping and when I got into bed, I closed my eyes and counted to three. I don't know why I counted to three, but when I opened my eyes, it was morning. The whole night went by in 1... 2... 3. This feels kind of like that. In three seconds, I could be stepping into the arrivals area of the airport. Unbelievable, but deeply wonderful.

Valentine's Day

2011-01-28T00:40:00.000-08:00

I figured I should write my Valentine's day post now, while I'm thinking about it, since I'm going to be way to busy, come the actual day.

I didn't used to be the biggest fan of Valentine's day. It's always struck me as kind of a weird holiday, way too commercial and based way too much of people's insecurities and fear of being alone.

BUT, since this Valentine's day will be nothing short of magical (I'll be landing in the U.K., after over 100 days of waiting* :), I'm a lot more pro V-day than I have been in the past. I am, of course, really looking forward to it this year. Of course, I would be anyway, even if to everyone else in the world, it was just another Monday.

AND (since we're starting whole paragraphs with conjunctions), on top of the impending wonderfulness of February 14th, I found the above Valentines here. I'm having to work very hard indeed not to buy them. Very hard.

Also, The Scientist is on the radio. ♥ overload.

*!!!!! :D ♥ !!!!!

Le Zzz

2011-01-23T00:42:00.000-08:00

I AM SO EFFING TIRED.

This whole not sleeping thing is starting to eat my brain. It's not that I'm not sleeping (well, I don't think I slept today), it's just that I'm not sleeping as much as I should be. But today I was dead tried, lying in bed with the light off and I still couldn't get to sleep. So I have no idea.

Crap. I had other stuff but I can't remember. I'm seriously nearly falling asleep at the desk*. Soon, my pizza will get here** Maybe that will wake me up. That makes no sense. You know what? I'm gonna call it a night, blog-wise. I'll post something sensible when I'm awake again.

*I work at a desk. I'm at work right now.
**Poor life choice.

Flesh for Fantasy = Never Changing the Radio Station

2011-01-20T00:45:00.000-08:00

At work and nothing much to report. It is Rtardedly hot in here, and I am absolutely melting. Either there is something very wrong with my ability to regulate my body temperature or something wrong with all (3) of the buildings that I spend time in. I'm always either freezing cold or sweating buckets. Blah.

I love that my only complaints in life at the moment are tied to body temperature. Everything else is going wonderfully right now (*KNOCK ON WOOD!!!!!*) I leave Canada in a few short weeks and I think this is easily the most excited I've ever been about anything, ever.

I'm starting to stress a little, but it's all self-inflicted stress, brought on my guilt when I'm procrastinating and know I shouldn't be and it's easily overcome.

I'm going to miss this place; I have a great job, I've made some great friends and I live in a beautiful national park - but I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone back home that I haven't seen in 5.5+ months and I'm really looking forward to the part that comes after that, the end of the 108 day wait, when I'll fall into a state of ridiculous happiness which will somehow contrive to surpass what I'm feeling now.

:(

2011-01-11T00:38:00.001-08:00

I'm using that face, 'cause there isn't a universally recognized I just vomited in my own mouth emoticon, and profound sadness at the situation is the runner up emotion. Soon after I got to work, this guy called, sounding fairly distraught and mumbling, then said something like, "Just let me put this down", set the phone down and proceeded to jerk off audibly. Yeah, perfect way to start my night. I'm terrified to answer the phone now. Apparently, he used to do this fairly frequently (I'm assuming it's the same guy), but stopped sometime before I started working here 5 months ago* and picked tonight to start up again. I tried to star 69 him, but it didn't work. Ugh. I so do not need this shit. I mean, honestly, why can't he just watch porn like everyone else?

Between that and learning about Bridalplasty, which is just a horribly depressing statement on the condition of the world, this hasn't been the greatest night ever. Dumb crap like this should not be getting to me, but for whatever reason, it is tonight.

I didn't make it to the gym tonight, and I really need to. I realized today that I haven't been since before Christmas. Not good.

On a much happier note, it's officially Jan 11. The past couple weeks have zoomed by... I can already feel the (comparatively) warm English rain on my face, smell airport smells and see London. I am so there.

*Hey, 5 months ago today - well, yesterday, but today for me... or something.

2011 Plans & Resolutions

2011-01-02T00:36:00.000-08:00

I seem to switch back and forth between two opinions on New Years resolutions. Some years, I make tonnes (for 2009, I made 53 - I think I kept 2) and some years, I think it's stupid to need an excuse to do something that you should be doing anyway - IE: why would you wait until January to start going to the gym or quit smoking or start pottery lessons, or whatever it is that you're planning to do?

This year, well, I only really had one resolution, and I took care of it before 2011 started; I've already bought my plane ticket :) The past few months, I've filled this blog with allusions and (very) thinly veiled hints, so I thought today, as the first day of 2011 (I know, it's technically the second. I work graveyard. Sue me.), I would clarify a few things.

The countdown on the side of my blog is to Valentine's day, which just so happens, is the day I land(♥!). I'm going to the UK, where I plan to be blissfully (possibly even ridiculously) happy. I don't have a job yet, or a place to live, or a concrete plan for either of those things, and I'm not worried. I'll find a job, day to day life will be difficult for a while, pinching pennies will be an understatement of the necessary budgeting, I'll be poor. Poor and happy.

This reminds me of being a little kid on one of our roadtripesque* family vacations, bouncing up and down in the back seat, praying to some nameless higher power that soon, we'd just bloody get there. Although, when I was a kid, I was excited but also sullen and angry and impatient and now I'm pretty much just excited and impatient.

So, now to the planning. I have a million to do, and not too much time to do it in (see the counter). Time for more lists. :)

*On normal road trips, my understanding is that you stop and sleep occasionally, instead of driving for 18-26 hours nonstop.

Books and Other Stuff

2010-12-27T01:36:00.000-08:00

In a couple of minutes, I'll have to start my night audit, but until that happens...

I made an account on LibraryThing tonight and merrily went about cataloguing all the books in my library - only to discover that I can't remember what books I own. At least not all of them. The other thing I discovered is that I own a lot of Heinlein, more than any other author. It's weird because as much as I like his work, he's maybe my second or third favourite author. Also, I'm not a huge science fiction fan in general.

This has got me thinking about my travel plans and my mini library, and how, for the time being, I will have to pack it up and store it - which isn't a huge deal; it's just that I have to find somewhere to store it, where it will be safe from water and extreme temperatures and my Dad*. My parents have been storing so much of my stuff for so long, I hate to ask them to hold onto anything, but if I follow my plan of reducing my possessions to 6 Rubbermaid containers, maybe they won't mind so much.

I still haven't made a list of the stories I want to focus on. I need to do that ASAP, because until I do, I'm just going to be writing little bits and pieces of everything and not getting anything done. Ugh.

I have a million lists to write (and more importantly, execute) and I have no idea where to start. I'm too bloody excited to focus on anything for more than a few minutes and it seems like whenever I say to myself "You're going to do it right now", something else comes up. IE: I could start making lists at this very moment, and would be making myself, but I have to start my paperwork for the night audit. I'm not complaining, exactly. I'm too happy to complain about much of anything - I'm more just thinking out loud (there needs to be a term for when you're doing this with text. Thinking out text or typing out loud or something).

Anyway, night audit time. Then, post night audit, list making time.

*My Dad loves to read, but he and I have a different philosophy on the value of books. He seems to think that their only value is in being read, so as long as you can continue to read them, everything's good. I agree that books are meant to be read, but I think when they're not being read, they should be on a shelf somewhere, rather than propped open on a nightstand, with a the front cover bent back in the bathroom or on the floor beside the bed.

A Happy Christmas to You

2010-12-25T09:10:00.000-08:00

This picture creeps me out for a few reasons, not the least of which being that the birds in it seem to each have four legs. I thought it was fitting for the last in my miniseries of Creepy Holiday Art from Yesteryear.

Anywhom, MERRY CHRISTMAS! I woke up at 5:30 in the morning, bursting with excitement, and, because I couldn't wait any more, opened my stocking. My cousin texted my sister and I at twenty to seven, so since Rhiannon was awake anyway after that, we opened our presents while it was still dark out. I texted out my Merry Xmas message, figuring that it would be late enough in Ontario - and not remembering that not everyone I know is in that time zone. I think I woke a few people up.

Now I'm crazy tired and don't really want to bake pies, but want to eat pies later.

I got a lot of cool stuff, which I want to list, and might, when I am not so ass-tired.

I finished Siddhartha on the 23rd and loved it.

Now I'm going to cut this short, because I work tonight and need to make pies... and really want to sleep. A lot.

Another Post Called :)

2010-12-23T04:27:00.001-08:00

My surprise came today! Actually, I'm going to keep this post fairly short because my surprise was a book* and I'd like to get back to reading it.

It came wrapped in wonderful book-covered paper, with a wonderful note from a wonderful man. I may overdose on wonderful by the end of the day :)

The book is Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha. The simplest way I can describe it is to say it's about the title character's quest for enlightenment/Nirvana/inner peace - but really, you should read it for yourself, because I can't really do it justice. Anyway, I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

I'm a little under half-way done and, as I've said, would like to get back to reading it, so this is where I cut my post short. My advice, dear reader, is, if you haven't already, go and track down a copy and start reading it as soon as possible.

Also, I read one of those lists that they put up on MSN occasionally a few days ago. This one was What Not to Buy Your Man for Christmas or something equally lame, and it recommended against giving books as gifts. Such a load of crap. I think books are among the best gifts a person can get - this one especially.

*I've been in suspense about this surprise for what seems like ever. My one and only guess about what it could possibly be was this book. So glad I was right.

Merry Xmas Continued

2010-12-22T03:01:00.000-08:00

I remembered what I was going to say. I could have just added it to the bottom of my other Xmas post, but I decided to do a a new one, just so I could put up this picture of the Tree Child playing keep away with one of Jareth's magic crystals. At least, I think that's what's going on in this picture. That's it, executive decision: all blog posts between now and Christmas will feature a frightening and/or confusing piece of public domain holiday art.

So, what I remembered: my laptop went effing insane today. It was going ridiculously slow this morning, so before I turned in for the day, I started running a whole computer scan. When I woke up, it was going ridiculously ridiculously slow and it took me about 15 minutes to check my email. The scan was still running, so I disconnected from the interwebz and let it run. It was still running after Rhiannon and I had watched Pride and Prejudice, so I left it running and went back to sleep. Then I was woken up by strange flashing light from behind me, and I rolled over to see Modo's screen flashing black and then white, but with the menu bar at the bottom looking totally normal. No idea WTF is going on there, but I had to leave for work, so I couldn't really stick around to investigate. I really don't want him to be broken. I have horrible luck with laptops (one stolen, one broken), Cameras (one broken, fixed and then stolen, one really effing broken) and all things technological, so I'm afraid he might just be dead. Erg.

In other news, it's after 4 and I haven't started my night audit. I should get on that. I don't think I'm going snowboarding today. Blah.

Merry Xmas!

2010-12-22T00:33:00.000-08:00

I'm too lazy to find another public domain Xmas picture, so I'm reusing this terrifying snowman that I dug up for my Devereaux Court Christmas post. Now that I'm thinking about it, though, he kind of clashes with my blog. Oh well.

I know it's officially over, but happy Solstice anyway. Also, Merry Christmas (or whatever winter holiday you celebrate) and Happy New Year.

I'm supposed to be going snowboarding tomorrow, but considering I'm ass-tired, kind of sick and have sore ankles, and I won't be able to sleep between now and then, I may well skip it. I don't know. I'm undecided.

We have to listen to Christmas music at work. If we change the station, we get fired. I may kill someone.

I didn't make it to the post office today to check for my surprise :( I woke up way later than I intended to, after the post office was closed. If I snowboard tomorrow, I won't be able to go until Thursday. Blah.

I ordered a camera last night and my credit card-bank card hybrid was a bag of dicks, so the payment hasn't gone through yet, so they haven't shipped it yet, so I won't be getting it before Christmas, which sucks, but isn't a huge deal. Anyway, it's cute and pink. I would put a picture, but my browser is being a bag of dicks as well.

There were other Christmasy things I wanted to mention, but I don't remember what they are, so I guess this will be the end of my xmas post. If I think of anything else, I'll tack it onto the bottom.

:)

2010-12-20T00:59:00.000-08:00

Possibly this is my 800th post titled :) I blame it on the fact that I can't stop smiling. Honestly, I look through old blog entries, mentioning how I just feel off or through my old notebooks, where, unconsciously, I've written things like I hate my life and I actually can't remember feeling that way. I know I did. I remember the events or the existence of the emotions, but the feelings are completely gone. Right now, I'm smiling and it seems like I always have been.

Christmas is coming and I'm not going home for the first time in my life - but I'm actually not too upset about it. I'll hang out with Spooey, work, probably have a holiday drink. Nothing terribly exciting, just a nice, quiet Christmas.

(It's 2:00am, so I'm sending good wishes for good luck.)

I've started working on another new story. I really like the idea of this one a lot, but I feel guilty when I work on it, because really, I should be: finishing Caution and Creep, editing Caution and Creep, editing Emmeline, writing Little 15, editing Sunshine, writing 200 Pages, writing The Things That Aren't, writing Sugar Dust, rewriting Taken, rewriting The Inn at Night or working on a million other stories that are in Title Limbo at the moment. But the new one has Death in (the character), and I like it. Maybe I should make a list, pick 5 and only work on them, until I'm done. Caution and Creep has got to be up there... I've had readers waiting for over 2 years.

I had pizza today. Bad idea.

Ok, it's ten after two, so I'mna make me some hot chocolate and start the night audit.

Have a wonderful day, people.

Black Nail Polish

2010-12-14T23:21:00.000-08:00

I really should have a tag for nail polish, since so many of my posts lately seem to be brought on by waiting for it to dry. Today it's black. I remember when black nail polish was completely badass, something only skids (Skids were what happened twenty years after Punks, ten years before Goths, fifteen before Emo kids) wore. Now, it's more Hmm, that's not as sparkly as your other nail polish. Anyway, I like it.

I've been at work for a little over an hour, just kind of hanging out, working on yet another story idea. I really ought to finish the millions of stories I've started, and I likely will finish at least a few before this one goes anywhere - I'm mostly just trying to get down everything that's in my brain, then it will stay in my lovely notebook until, one day when I'm going through said notebook, I go, "hmm. That was going to be a story."

I need to get containers and pack up all of my stuff that's at my parents' house, and it's just occuring to me now that one whole container will probably have to be devoted to my notebooks. I have a ridiculous number, upwards of fifty, and I don't see myself wanting to part with any of them - plus, most of them are full of story ideas and the very beginnings of some of my stories (which reminds me, I need to find the pic that sparked Aigaion Girl), and I don't want to lose those. Ugh. I'm such a packrat sometimes.

I'm sort of zoning out mid-blog, so maybe I'll cut this short. I may come back to it later, though; I still have another hand to paint.

Good Morning!

2010-12-08T02:18:00.000-08:00

I'm at work and really should be working, but instead I'm blogging and waiting for my fingernails to dry.

I spent the first chunk of my shift going over the eight or so pages of 200 Pages that I've completed. Honestly, if I wasn't so burnt out from eleven eleven wish, I think I could finish it in a couple of night shifts - certainly within a month, because unlike eleven eleven, I can just produce word vomit, not edit it, and as long as I include all the necessary scenes, leave it at that - although, now that I've said that, I do feel like I should get my MC pinned down a little better -then maybe I'll get drunk and channel her for a few days.

Also, I finally finished part 12 of Little 15, which is going to end up being a novella, instead of a short story (it was revised to 'short story' after I realized that my original oneshot had taken two chapters to finish).

Caution and Creep is still looming over me and 56,000 words in, I kind of feel like a tool for shelving it. Also, I shelved it in November of 2008; I really ought to finish it. There's too much to deal with, story-wise, and it would really be stressing me out, if anything other than my desire to be elsewhere ever stressed me out these days.

I'm getting a surprise! It's coming on either Thursday or Friday (or maybe Monday, given our wonderful postal system) and I'm super excited. I want it now! But I'm getting good at acting patient; waiting for wonderful things is a big part of my day-to-day :) Also, my family sent my and my sister's xmas presents today, so we should be getting them sometime in the next week or two. We have to send their stuff tomorrow.

Clayton leaves tomorrow (well, I guess today - actually in less than three hours) for Ontario. He was supposed to leave a couple of days ago, but he decided to fly instead of bussing it, so we got him for a few more days. It sucks that he's going, but I know that I'll see him pretty soon - and he's going to be happy where he's going, and that's all I could wish for any of my friends.

Ok, my nails are dry and it's after 3:30 in the morning, so I should probably start doing some actual work now. Ooh, then two days off!

Erg.

2010-12-05T23:25:00.000-08:00

I deleted all of my text messages today. I could cheerfully kick myself in the face for that one. I was trying to delete a conversation because when my inbox gets too full, my phone starts deleting messages. It does this with the oldest first, and there was a message I particularly wanted to hold onto. I know the date it was sent, the exact time, where I was standing when I read it and what it said. And I get that really, the physical message was a bunch of ones and zeros magnetically written on a piece of metal - but I still wanted to keep it, and I'm still a little bit (incredibly) bummed that I deleted it.

Despite that, I'm still in a fairly good mood. It's hard for me not to be. Really, other than my impatience to be elsewhere, doing elsewhat, I have very little to complain about; everything here is great, it's just that it'll be greater when I'm where I'm supposed to be.

I'm a little bored at the moment, but whatever.

THIS STORY IS EATING MY BRAIN

2010-11-25T19:01:00.000-08:00

Ok, that's a little melodramatic, maybe, but really, it's giving me some serious grief. Enough that I just used giving grief as an actual phrase, where people can read it. I don't know what it is. The ideas are there, the emotions are there, even the carefully detailed outline of what should happen next is there. What's missing is the words. They just. won't. flow.

I'm over 7000 words behind where I should be, and in two hours, I'm going to bed. Usually, a preset bedtime during NaNoWriMo would be a completely ludicrous concept, but I only slept for four hours this morning (not at all last night), and I'd like to get up nice and early for chattiness (♥).

So two hours to write at least 1053 words (this will bring me to 35,000), and I'm blogging... and I'm not even blogging about what I want to be blogging about, because I would much rather be making this post a series of little hearts and overly-girly expressions of happiness and excitement.

1 hour and 45 minutes, now. This isn't helping. Terrible as it is to say, I wish I'd gone to the liquor store while I was out today. I think a shot of anything would get this proplem sorted in a jiffy.

Happy in the Club with a Bottle of Red Wine

2010-11-24T02:05:00.000-08:00

So I redid my budget again tonight. This time, instead of trying to figure out what I can afford to put aside from each paycheque, then working out how many weeks it will take me to reach my desired amount, I did it backwards. I worked out how much money I need and when I want to have it by, and figured out how much I need to save per cheque to make that happen. And honestly, even though I'll be putting aside nearly twice as much from each paycheque, I'm way happier with these numbers. Why? Because these numbers mean that I can do what I want to do. They represent one part of a plan on its way to completion. Also, if I don`t find a second job, I`m still going to be okay. That`s a huge load off my mind.

There is no way I can put what I am feeling right now into words, so I won`t try. Suffice it to say that it`s a combination of more emotional states than I can count, the strongest two being extreme happiness and severe impatience.

So, on to smaller issues. 6 days left of NaNoWriMo and I am a lot of words behind. A lot. I think probably close to 10,000. I have two days off coming up, though, and I plan to spend them novelling the hell out of myself. That sounds kind of dirty... yeah, there is definitely something not right there. Anywho.

eleven eleven wish, which was supposed to be kind of cute and cuddly and bubblegumish, is becoming anything but. While I was waiting for my laundry today, I wrote a scene where [SPOILER] someone gets shot in the head at point-blank range. So, yeah. Add to that suicide attempts, drinking problems, pedophiles and life-destroying accusations and my feel-good novel of fun has turned into something quite sinister. Not that I mind. I think it will be a lot more meaningful this way, and I`m doing my best to keep all the cute&fluffy that I had originally planned, even if it is getting a little overwhelmed by the other stuff.

Ok, back to the grindstone. None of my budgeting is going to do me much good if I get fired for not doing my job.

I = :) x ∞

2010-11-18T00:53:00.000-08:00

There are two things I could be doing right now. I should either be working on my NaNoWriMo story, which I'm nearly 2,000 words behind on, or I should be doing my paperwork for the night audit. Instead I'm drinking a can of tooth-disolving black cherry pop which has never even seen a cherry and eating a sandwhich. And thinking.

Mostly I'm thinking about how I'd love for a big pile of money to magically fall into my lap, so that I could avoid the upcoming months of waiting and skip right to the bit where I'm where I want to be (and, of course, with whom :)

Unrealted: Road to Nowhere just came on the radio. Seriously, never
changing this station. PS, does this song remind anyone else of the
starting sequence of the Beetlejuice cartoon, or is that just me?

I'm also thinking about how ridiculously lucky I am and praying that my karma is good enough that I'll keep being this lucky. I'm not usually one for praying, because I don`t know what I`m praying to, but for this, anything I can do is worth it. Besides, something clearly has my back :)

I finally did my budget... erm, either today, yesterday or the day before. Days get a little messed when you work nights. For example, it`s already tomorrow. Anyway, I did my budget for Xmas and the foreseeable months. It doesn`t look bad, but it doesn`t look as good as I`d like. I`m hoping I can find a second job soon. It`s so stupid, though; when I was looking for a full-time job, all I could find was part-time. Now I`m looking for something part time and everyone wants forty hours a week (everyone being the five places in town that are actually hiring). I`ll find something, I`m sure. Plus, now that I have Modo (new computer), I can start trolling Craigslist for design and layout work. Must be something there.

Ok, seriously, I need to work on this book and work on my work. It`s hard, though, when my mind is already thousands of miles away, months into the future. Ugh. Focus, Athena. Focus.

Oop. ooOoop.

2010-11-05T20:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, so time for another post.

My tooth still bloody hurts. I think it's getting better, but I'm not going to be able to put off going to the dentist until January, when my benefits kick in. To give you an idea how much this hurts: I went to a doctor for the first time in twelve years to get it looked at. I honestly woke up one morning (feeling vomity and feverish) thinking I might die. So yeah, in pain.

I'm working PM at the moment. Back to night audit tomorrow and for the rest of the week (?) and then I think they're switching me back to days. I honestly woudln't mind, except that if I go back on days that renders my night audit training kind of useless, which I also wouldn't care about, if it hadn't happened at a time when I had a way better way to be spending my nights. I don't care how I spend my nights now, since I don't have anything going on and I can't seem to sleep anyway, but it would have been nice if I could have spent the past few weeks with my nights free. Oh well. My own damn fault.

I'm at 16,000+ words for NaNoWriMo, which I'm pretty pleased about. I've mostly been writing at night, while I'm at work, but I also got a bunch done today, while I was waiting for my laundry.

I'm sitting here, watching the snow, and going a little spacey. Kevin Spacey? you might ask. Well, no. Just buggy, like I can't quite decide what my emotions are, but I could definitely use some more pain killers and maybe a shot of something to help me sleep. Don't worry, I understand that these things don't go together. And since I have to take the antibiotics and the pain killers, the booze will have to be forgone.

Also, I have a tag sninpo. I have no idea what that means, but I'm using it, to see if I can find out. Yeah. Spacey. I'm cutting this off here.

Remember, Remember

2010-11-05T03:01:00.000-07:00

Normally, I have a tradition of watching V for Vendetta today, but all my movies are back in Ontario, and I don't have a working TV anyway. So...

My tooth is still killing me. Saw a doctor and got some antibiotics, which I think are helping (*knock on wood*), because I can actually kind of swallow now. I still need to go to a dentist, but I have no idea how I'm going to afford that, since my benefits don't kick in until January or something like that. I need this tooth gone now.

Got my bathroom, hallway and the other bedroom cleaned today (yesterday, I guess, since it's four in the morning). I suppose I should be tackling the kitchen to fight off my insomnia, but I thought I would come and sit in the loby of my hotel and blog instead.

NaNo's still going well, even though I didn't right much yesterday. I don't know where my word count is, but it's upwards of 13,000.

Rhiannon's coming in a few days! And she's bringing my new computer! I'm uber excited about this, as you may have guessed from the excessive use of exclamation marks. We are going to party it up - or at least hang out and go hiking and watch movies and stuff. And I'll have a computer. When I have more dollars, I'll get Mephie fixed, but in the meantime the netbook is going to be a perfect size for carting around. I'm looking forward to that.

Ugh. It's ten after four. I really should go home and try to get some sleep. Really, I should. Yesterday morning made me smile and that hasn't worn off yet.

(honey) Bunches of Stuff (oats?)

2010-11-03T02:12:00.000-07:00

My tooth is effing killing me. I'm going to the hospital tomorrow to beg them to do something about it. Pull it. Give me morphine. Anything. I've swallowed a ton of this oragel stuff, and it's starting to give me cramps. Plus, I'm pretty sure my kidneys are going to shut down if I take any more Tylenol. I've been waking up with a fever the past few days... I had hoped it was because of flu or something, but now I just think my tooth is infected.

What else? It's ten to four, so I should probably actually start working on the night audit. I've been writing. I'm at 11212 words for NaNoWriMo now, which is pretty good, considering that it's only the third and it's not even four am. I'm past the neccessary word count for day six. :) This story is turning out to be a lot darker, a lot less happy-go-lucky fluffy, than I originally planned. Also, if anyone's wondering, when you're sick, in pain, missing someone more than you thought humanly possible and your job doesn't let you see the sun, researching actual suicide notes online then going home and listening to Leona Lewis is a really, really dumb idea. Just sayin'.

I cleaned my room today. It took a lot of hours and my kitchen and the other room in my apartment (I picked the lock because the temp. control is in there and I was melting) are still piled with clothes and random junk, but I'm slowly sorting through it. My room looks pretty good, actually. A random fun fact: I have a really nice queen bed with lots of fluffy blankets and a synthetic down comforter and three pillows. I actually made my bed today - and I am sleeping on my smelly, second (third, fourth?)-hand love seat, with the Freddy Krugar blanket (just a blanket that someone hacked up for reasons unknown). Gah. My bed is just too big, now that I've taken the piles of clothes away.

OK. Actual work time. Maybe. In a minute.

I'm Going Crazy.

2010-11-02T05:45:00.001-07:00

No, that's it. I am.

Best Compliment Ever from a Guest at a Hotel:

2010-10-31T01:01:00.001-07:00

"I love your costume. Your tits look amazing."

NaNoWriMo Starts in 3...2... Learn to Count, Athena

2010-10-30T23:19:00.000-07:00

So, I came into work today (dressed as a sexy witch), all excited and thinking happily to myself that as of midnight, I could start work on eleven eleven wish. Because, as of midnight, it would officially be November 1.

Yeah, apparently not. At least now that it's after midnight, it actually is Halloween, so my sexy witchness isn't entirely without merit. The orange hair is serving me well tonight, let me tell you.... except I have to blame my inability to know what day it is on the fact that I'm working nights and have no sense of time, because I can no longer use the blonde cop out.

I had an interesting debate with our security guy about witches and witchcraft... still trying to figure out why he has no problem with water witches, but thinks that reading Tarot is bad. Whatever, I always enjoy messing with him, just a little bit.

I didn't do the zombie walk. I could have, but I had no one to go with, and when I walked past the group, I was kind of glad I skipped it - their costumes were a lot more elaborate than I could have bothered myself with right now. I'm staving off depression, forcing myself to go out and do things, to see the sun, etc., but that's about all I can manage right now. Sexy witch was a stretch for me, solidified by the fact that I would have had to wash my uniform in order to wear it.

So, less than 24 hours to NaNoWriMo 2010. So when I come to work "tomorrow", with all the stuff I had brought for tonight (notebook, 5 pages of outline, a pen), I can really get to work. Until then, I'll have to content myself with my frozen dinner and Halloween cupcakes.

Oh, and of course the fact that I have a chat date, which makes me incredibly happy.

:)

NaNoWriMo '10

2010-10-30T05:03:00.001-07:00

So NaNoWriMo starts in 2 days. Er, one day. Sorry; working nights effs with your brain's ability to know what day it is.

I won't have a computer until the end of next week at the earliest (probably a little later), so it looks like I'm going to be writing by hand for the first little while. This will likely slow me down a lot (since I write way slower than I type and I have no way of playing the music I need while I'm writing), but I think it should be ok. I already have the notebook I'm going to use and a 5-page step-by-step outline. I don't know what person or tense I'm going to be writing in yet, but I guess that will come to me.

(unrelated) My God, am I hungry.

When I get my new computer, the keyboard is going to be smaller than I'm used to, so that might slow me down... but, I was reading things on the NaNo site today and it seems like a lot of people write their daily quota (1667 words) in two or three hours of solid writing daily. It would be great if I could do that because now that I'm working nights, it won't be a problem for me to put that kind of time in while I'm at work. I'll be able to type some here and write some out long hand, and it will be brilliant. NaNo is going to rock this year - I can feel it.

(unrealted) My tooth is killing me.

I also have the cover art pretty well worked out in my head. (Somewhat) Unfortunately, I'll actually need to take a photo for this one, which means I'll need to acquire/borrow a good camera, then go out and buy the materials for a mini studio (wax paper, bristol board, display board, duct tape) and take it, then load it onto my new netbook and use Inkscape to finish it off. So, time consuming, but it will look awesome.

Something Quick

2010-10-30T00:54:00.001-07:00

This post deserves a lot more space, and I might add to it later, but I'm at work right now, which means that pretty soon, I'll actually have to do work.

I dyed my hair today. I cut it and dyed it from its natural blonde to copper. I've seen two people since I did it, and 1/2 of them told me off for getting rid of the blonde. As for why I did it:

The impending badness that I've been eluding to took place and the only way I could think of to cope was to become someone else - someone not quite so connected to everything, and someone who is hopefully a more motivated person than I actually am. So, since this morning, I have been referring (in my head) to myself in the third person as New Athena. I ask myself, would New Athena wear this and I answer, Yes, yes, I think she would. New Athena doesn`t eat junk food, by the way. New Athena sets her alarm for a reasonable time and gets to work on time (still working on that one, actually ;) . New Athena is going to go to the gym every day, once she`s off her rag. (New Athena doesn`t care if people know she`s on her period. She`s a woman, and figures people can deal with it).

... and New Athena is not any less upset than she would have been had she stayed Old Athena. She misses him just as much.

A Question

2010-10-24T23:01:00.000-07:00

I was looking online at pictures of lockets because I have a coin I'd like to put in one, and was looking for one of the appropriate age/size/style, etc. Through my browsing, a question formed in my brain, one I can't quite shake: Why the hell am I working in a hotel when I should be out designing jewellery and writing books? Worded another way: What the fuck am I doing with my life?

Don't get me wrong, my job is great. I mean, I've been here for an hour and I've spent half of that looking at pretty things online. In a few minutes, I'll do about ten minutes of work, then I'm free for another couple of hours - so I don't mean to make it sound like things are bad... but really, what am I doing? What are any of us doing? Why do we reach adulthood and discard that mantra of you can do whatever you want in favour of doing what's responsible or expected, or, hell, let's just call a spade a spade, whatever will make us the most money. I'm a capitalist to the core, but doesn't capitalism give us the inherent right to be poor - to try doing what we want to do, and to fail if we must?

Me, I've been poor my whole life. I'm sure that most of my childhood (and certainly all of my adulthood to date) were spent well below the poverty line. But that's the thing: poor is relative. If you took me and my living situation and dropped us in the backwater of some third world country, it would blow the people there away. What? Clean drinking water? Heat (usually)? Hot water (most days)? Electricity? A TV that works if you smack it really hard (or sometimes sit on top of it)? Sounds like Heaven. So I've been poor, but life hasn't been hard, not really. So why is being poor taboo? Why is there this stigma, like, Oh, you're poor? You must be kind of stupid and lazy and suffer from an inferior education? I'd love to know where that comes from. Actually, I'm not stupid, thanks. I've made some poor choices in my life, sure, but I'm not stupid. Lazy? In my day-to-day life, sure, but since that day-to-day has included working full time since I was 15, in an overall sense, by Canadian standards, I'm pretty badass - and yeah, my education wasn't great. I dropped out of university three years in. Why? Because I wanted to write. If I had to do it over, I don't know that I would do the same thing, but I stand by my decision. One book in four years isn't terribly impressive, I guess, but when I think of all the people who never finish that first novel, who are so hung up on writing a best-seller that they never write anything, I think that maybe I've done pretty well for myself, busted-ass TV and all.

I guess it's all about expectations - our own, our friends' and families' and society's. Unfortunately, I think too many people (myself included) let society's expectations shape their own. Society expects that I will fail if I don't make a plan of some kind, a template for how my life is supposed to play out - and in our little cookie-cutter land of lifetime blueprints, my life, all our lives should have gone something like this: Elementary school, high school, university, crap job, slightly better job, Kids, marginally OK job aaaaaand, plateau. Retirement. Death. Somewhere in there, if we can, if it's convenient and responsible, it wouldn't hurt for one or two of us to go backpacking in Europe, so the rest of us can live vicariously through them. This is the kind of life we're supposed to content ourselves with, be happy with even.

I don't mean this as a rant against The Man. I'm actually more angry with myself right now than with the retardedness that is our society. I don't understand how I keep convincing myself that I can be happy with a mediocre life. I can't. Maybe I can't be happy with any kind of life, who knows? But I do know that this daily grind, working week, make-ends-meet kind of bullshit isn't for me. I want out.

So rather than ranting, in an attempt to be proactive (and, unfortunately, a little bit responsible), a list of things to get, in order, with the money from the job that I won't be quitting until I have something better to go to:

A Netbook for writing. Should have it by the end of the first week of November.
A decent point-and-shoot; good SLR to follow.
Supplies for jewellery (specifically: damaged or incomplete antiques from EBay, pliers, various types of wire, glass beads, strong glue, lacquer, a sketchbook just for my designs, some books about various techniques for manufacturing jewellery)
Supplies to build a desk (I may have do do this after the netbook and before the camera; we'll see how my back holds up during NaNoWriMo.

And actually, for right now, I think that's it. Four things, and I think I'm on my way to a happier me.

The One Good Thing about Night Audit

2010-10-19T04:53:00.000-07:00

I actually have the time and means to update my blog. What I'll update it with I don't know; my non-work life is blissfully simple right now, consisting mostly of eating, sleeping and watching British TV - and being so happy and content that it's almost painful.

I've been reading Russell Brand's My Booky Wook over the past few days and finding myself, as well as wanting to track the author down and give him a hug, so moved by it that (there isn't a that. It's just that you shouldn't have a so without one). I can't really connect with the specifically drug-abuse-related aspects of the book, but the emotions he writes about and with are crystal clear to me. I'm getting into the bits about rehab and taking life one day at a time, and feeling a bit of a tit for being actually inspired by an inspirational book, which I know is a stupid attitude to have - but I think that anyone who has been exposed to the Canadian version of inspirational literature will understand my reluctance to be moved by any inspirational literature.

I'm rambling. One of the bad things about night audit: by the time I've done all my work for the night and read a bit and completely exhausted all of the new content on roflrazzi.com and all of it's affiliates (guilty secret), I'm usually a bit too tired to actually make sense on my nothing blog posts. No matter; only 37 minutes to go, unless my relief is late again.

The day before yesterday I was here an hour later than I was supposed to be, yesterday, an hour and a half. Since I got to Jasper, I've been showing up to work hung over more than I ever have in the past - but at least I'm showing up. I usually have to run to make it to work on time, but I still manage it. Oh well. Can't have everything, and I'm resolved not to complain too much on account of wanting time off in the near future and possibly needing something to barter with.

Also, I'd love to know why I'm so effing hungry.

Whell.

2010-10-17T05:19:00.000-07:00

It's 6:15 in the morning and I'm just killing time now, until my shift is over. They put me on night audit after just two training shifts. I hope I didn't eff anything up. The night audit thing was a stupid move on my point. I never think before I talk and it always gets me into a world of trouble.

Anywhom, life right now is pretty good. It's been wonderful, really, this past month, and if it weren't for the fact that I can see the end of the road, when the wonderfulness will disappear, I would still be spending all day every day wearing a huge, dorky grin on my face. But I can see it, and it's been a challange to stop myself from breaking down and/or having an anxiety attack every time I breathe or notice that they sky's blue or something like that.

Enough about that; I'm at work and can't afford a breakdown. Good stuff: right now, the offspring is playing on the radio and it's not being censored, and this channel is one of the ones on the official list of designated radio stations we're allowed to listen to at this time, so if guests come in and complain about the swearing, my hands are clean.

Also good, NaNoWriMo is coming up again and I've to decided to participate this year. I'm going to be completely rewriting a story I've been writing little bits of for... I think a year or more now. Don't worry; it's not cheating. Why? Because I'm going to start from scratch and literally rewrite every single word. NaNo is going to let me survive November. It's going to stop me from breaking down - and at the end of it, I'll have a story so emotional and depressing that publishing houses will be beating down my door. That's my plan, anyway. Obviously, there's nothing up there yet, but if you want to check out my story, Eleven Eleven Wish come November 1, you'll be able to find it here, as well as, probably, FictionPress.net.

I think that's it. I have way too many blogs, and I should probably update some of them.

123+

2010-09-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

My last post was number 123. That's sort of funny, if you're lame like me and have no sense of humour.

Unfortunately, I have no way to upload photos, otherwise this entry would be swimming in scenery. I suppose it's probably a good thing that it's not; I took 250+ pictures yesterday (would have taken more but for the memory card filling up) and it's nice when my blog actually loads.

My sister is in town, so yesterday, she, myself, my older brother and our friend Clayton took my brother's cab and went a-travelling. We went to Maligne Canyon, which is amazing and scary and just awesome. We went to Medicine Lake, which is one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen, a perfect mix of bounty and stark emptiness. I'm a little in love with it. Then we went to Maligne lake, which is absolutely beautiful, one of the places you're 'supposed' to go, if you visit Jasper. We didn't go on the tour of the lake, due to not really having the $$, but we walked along part of the shore and enjoyed ourselves immensely. Since I had planned to go swimming in the lake (I'd say the water is about 3 degrees or less), I went, despite the warnings of friends and the shocked expressions of the fishermen, who actually stopped to watch me in my feat of insanity. That water was effing cold! It started to snow as I was climbing back onto the dock to retrieve my clothes. After we got back in the car (I was pretty sure my toes were going to fall off), we went back into town to drop Claytron off so he could go to work, then we grabbed some food and headed for The Edge of the World. It's absolutely stunning, this lookout up in the mountains with 700+ foot drops everywhere and an unparalled view of the foothills and vallies surrounding Jasper. We did some pretty stupid, dangerous things (including, in my case, hanging onto a tree with my leg so that I could lean over a waterfall and take pictures), and generally had a fantastic time. We went back to my brother's house to put the pictures from my sisters camera onto the kick ass external hard drive that she got me for my Christma-birthday present, watched some videos on YouTube, napped, then went back to my apartment and had a wonderful night of watching the beginnings of a bunch of movies, then giving up and going to bed.

And that was my fabulous yesterday.

One More Hour

2010-09-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

Well, 58 minutes. Then I'll be done work and free for the day.

I actually quite like my job and don't usually spend my time thinking about wanting to go home... I'm just CRAZY tired right now, due to going to bed sometime after three am and waking up sporadically throughout the night, then permanently at 6:00ish. Combine that with a busy* day yesterday, and you get one tired Athena.

Now I'm basically just trying to think of things to do for the next 54 minutes, so I can go home and have the nap of a lifetime. All of the administrationy stuff is done at work, so I guess it's random cleaning tasks for me.

Oh, also, in craptastic news, my bike got stolen today. Apparently, some asshole came into my parents' house with bolt cutters and stole both my and my sister's bikes. I'm thinking this actually hasn't hit me yet, because I'm quite attached to my bike (I've had him for over 10 years) and I'm nowhere near as freaked out as I feel like I should be. Of course, there's always a chance that I'm just in too good of a mood to let it dampen my spirits ;)

Ookie I'm done

*also wonderful and awe-inspiring

:D

2010-09-07T16:28:00.001-07:00

The end.

Yeah, I Got Nothing

2010-09-06T10:52:00.000-07:00

I'm at work right now, for another 12 minutes.

Last night, this guy I know called me and I didn't pick up because I only have a texting plan. He texted me right after that to ask why I hadn't picked up the phone, and before I could text him back, he called again. He called 10 times and texted me twice more in the course of two hours. I am stressing over this to a spectacular degree. I know I just need to message him and tell him why this isn't appropriate, but... ugh. I'm so tired of dealing with crazy men.

Speaking of men, I have a huge crush on this guy (different guy from the one above, clearly). That's as much information as I'm putting online, but I'm seriously thinking that if he doesn't ask me out soon, I'm just going to ask him. It sounds like this big revalation, but now that I'm thinking about it, it's the obvious course of action. He makes me go Squee!

Alright, work is done. I'm going home.

Ranting... too tired to write anything useful.

2010-08-31T15:42:00.000-07:00

First, two truly horrible things:

One: apparently, there is a push within our federal government for our tax dollars to go to Fox News North. Yep, our money, paying for the Canadian counterpart to a station which is literally the laughing stock of the news world. That sounds fantastic. Really. If I wasn't so pro free speech, I would go so far as to say that Fox News should be banned in Canada. But, since I'm a rampant Capitalist and believer in freedom of expression, I just think that if it does come into Canada, it should have to stand on its own merits (*pft!*), and not be subsidised by our government. The idea that anyone in our government is even considering this during our current economic crisis (and yes, we are still in one; anyone who says different is either lying or pitifully misinformed) is just baffling.

Two: This one is in two parts. 2A, they're apparently planning to do a remake of Back to the Future. I'm sorry, some movies can be remade, and some movies only need to be made once. Back to the Future falls into the latter category. You wouldn't remake Gone with the Wind, you don't need to remake Back to the Future. Iconic '80s movies just need to be left alone. 2B, and this is almost worse than the whole thing with fox news, almost as bad as the oil spill in the gulf, definitely the most hidious thing I've heard this week: they want to cast JUSTIN FUCKING BIEBER in the lead. OK, people, something you need to understand: Michael J. Fox is amazing. He was an icon in the '80s and is a great and very respected actor. Justin Bieber is a twelve year old girl with awful hair. THERE IS NO COMPARISON. So, while we're destroying movies from my childhood, why don't we remake Tim Burton's Batman and cast Robert Pattinson as Bruce Wane and Michael Cera as the Joker. Seriously, it would make as much sense.

Ok, I was going to call this post A Bunch o' Stuff, but I actually only ranted, so I guess I'll have to come up with something else. Peace.

Boo!

2010-08-17T06:32:00.000-07:00

I'm at work right now, which means I really shouldn't be blogging, but it's 7:30am and the loby is dead. I feel like complete ass, so I was sitting down for a while, but there's only one chair and two front desk agents, and I feel like a tool, just sitting there, being sick.

I'm adjusting well to life in Jasper, I think. Yesterday was my first day off since I arrived, and Linky and Clayton and I rode to the beach (Jethro has still not arrived, due to lack of funds to send him, so I rode Jeremie's brother Julienn's bike (they are part of the family who Lincoln and Clayton are staying with)), which is way too big for me and stuck in a high gear. It wasn't too too bad, once I got the hang of it, until we were on the way back and I fell off the seat onto the bar at a stop sign. I nearly threw up. That was awful.

The beach was gorgeous. I would post pictures, but my camera was out of batteries, and even if it hadn't been, there's no screen on it now, so I never know if I'm taking pictures or not - or what they might be of. A new camera is definitely on my list, even though it's after a new laptop and some Dr. Scholls gel things for my shoes.

I don't think I have anything else for the moment. I'm back at work, but I think I'm going to have a nap right after today, because I am dead tired. Blah.

Ok, that's me.

So...

2010-08-05T09:14:00.000-07:00

I got the job in Alberta; I head out tomorrow morning. I have a lot to do before then, so this is going to be a fairly short post - but I feel buggy and gross and more than a little overwhelmed, so I'm also not really sure what I should be doing with myself right now. I guess I should really just make a list of everything I need to do and get to work on it; this procrastination thing really isn't working out well.

Alberta: 1+1-1 (=1), Ontario: 0

2010-08-02T12:11:00.000-07:00

Reason being, the people who called back and wanted to do a phone interview never called me, and I spent ALL DAY Friday waiting by the phone. I only went to the bathroom once, and I left my cell right outside the door, so I could hear it if it rang, which it didn't.

But, I did get another phone interview set up for yesterday, and that guy did call me, and either he or his boss is going to call back sometime within the next hour for interview number 2. So far, Alberta is still beating Ontario in the job finding war. They would be tied, since I did have a call back for a job here, but O had a point deducted for taking a bloody month to get back to me.

Anyway, on to more painstaking waitingness.

Alberta: 1, Ontario: 0

2010-07-29T14:32:00.000-07:00

So, I applied for a job here in... late May or early June. I got a call back today, asking me if I was still interested. I applied yesterday for a job in Jasper. I got an email today, asking me when we could set up a phone interview. Both jobs pay about the same.

A Super-Quick Post

2010-07-29T09:23:00.000-07:00

I've just applied for 900 (about 15) jobs in Jasper, which is all the jobs I qualify for, up to today.

I am absolutely bloody starving, and I need to find some food. We're out of almost everything.

Crap. I had another one, and I totally forgot. Oh! I know. I sold another FU, BP thing, this time, a shirt. Basically, I want to sell enough shirts that I can get my Russell Brand and Noel Fielding Shirt for myself.

I think that's it for now. Rhiannon is making pie, so I'm going to go eat some crust.

Me? Tired? Piffle!

2010-07-19T07:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, yes, I was up until after four watching The Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2006 and True Blood and, yes, I am tired enough to be questioning whether or not those titles should be in italics, but on the whole... I forget what I was saying.

First: True Blood this week was about 8 million times better than last week. Of course, staring at a dead fly would probably be about 8 million times better than True Blood last week (except the parts with Eric).

Second: I am in love with Noel Fielding and Russell Brand - I don't know about separately, but definitely as a pair. That's why I was watching the quiz; other than them, it was kinda cute and kinda funny, but not worth two hours + of my time. They were brilliant, though, and I was so happy that they won.

I came to know about Noel Fielding because of The IT crowd, in which he stars for a few episodes. I thought at the time that his Goth make up looked more realistic than his not-Goth make up and now I know why. Then Rhiannon remembered seeing him on the quiz, and looked him up.

I'm starving, and it looks like I'm going to be riding Jethro into the office again, so I really should go. No rest for the wicked, I guess - or the people newly obsessed with random British men and vampires.

An Update, While I'm Waiting for the Dishes to Dry

2010-07-18T11:25:00.000-07:00

...and by dry, I in fact mean cool down... and by dishes, I mean dish water.

Right. Glad we've got that sorted.

So, updateness: Jasper-planning seems to have halted a bit. The lack of immediately available funds is sort of sucking the enthusiasm out of the trip-planning processs, but at least now we have a rough idea of what we're doing and a back up plan if our first idea doesn't work. Suddenly, I find myself in very high demand; everyone seems to want something before I go, but unfortunately, no one has any money to pay me. I'm not so worried about it, family is family, so of course I'll work for them as cheaply (free) as possible, but it's the amount of stuff too - as if they don't understand that my time is valuable or that I could conceivably have anything to do other than their stuff. I don't have a 9-5 job, so immediately, I have 24 hours a day of free time.

I'm a little stressed. I think a large portion of that is because I'm seriously considering moving to Jasper (or somewhere nearish to there) instead of just visiting and I haven't told anyone other than my family this yet. I won't decide for sure until Xmas, but I don't know. I just feel like I need to get away from here... but I think part of that is because, no matter where I am, I'm always looking for a way to escape my life... but now I'm freaking out because I'm afraid that if I go, my dog won't be looked after properly, or he'll just be horribly upset and do what he did last time I went away and spend weeks lying where my bed had been, looking sad. But he's too old to take with me, even if I was going by car or plane. Really, Loki is my hold up in everything. I can't stomach the idea of leaving him for huge periods of time... but if I could come home every three months or so, I think I could manage.

That's really it, actually. I hardly see most of my extended family now, and I can call my Gran and my Grandma from wherever. My Gran thinks I should be travelling anyway, and my Grandma won't remember how long I've been away anyway. My immediate family I'll miss, but we'll talk on the phone and send emails; there's nothing I can't cope with there.

K, well, I think my dish water is likely cooled enough to finish this load. Ugh, I hate dishes. Sorrry for the downer post; maybe the next one will be more cheerful.

Belated Lazy River Report

2010-07-13T09:45:00.001-07:00

I should have posted this when we actually did the lazy river ride, but I got tied up doing other things and I forgot.

We were planning to make a big group thing of it this year, but alas, lack of monies made that next to impossible. As much fun as it might have been, inviting people over for a picnic that they supply, a modest supper and no real sleeping arrangements seems just a touch cheap - so Spooey and I went by ourselves.

We went a little longer this year, stayed in the water for a solid two hours and met some more rapid rapids than last year. Also, I discovered that there are parts of the river so deep that I couldn't touch. At one point, I got thrown off my floaty thing and ended up being dragged through the rapids with my arms wrapped around it for dear life.

Also, we saw a bald eagle, which was pretty effing cool, since I had no idea that they lived around here.

I think that's everything. Pictures will have to wait until we get our disposable cameras developped (as well as the one from last year), and then be posted... probably next year or something.

Mmm...

2010-07-11T06:04:00.000-07:00

9:04, and already it's been a productive day. Sometimes I wish I were a morning person; I love the feeling of having done something before most people in my house are out of bed.

I woke up at 7:11 after having gone to bed pretty late [we were up watching the season finale of Dr. Who (!!!!!)], and I'm pretty sure I could have gone right back to sleep, but for once, I didn't try. I got up, got showered, shaved my legs to silky smoothness, because I actually time to exfoliate first, got dressed and decided to take Jethro out on the town. I spent five or ten minutes installing a completely useless side mirror which I got at the dollar store to tide me over until I can afford proper mirrors, then off I went.

Out on the town in this case, is a 4.5k ride that I completed in about half an hour*. So, now it's quarter after 9:00, and I've showered (even if I do have to do it again), gone for an almost decent length bike ride and updated my blog. Soon people will wake up and then, all things going well (*knock on wood* and all of that), there will be something involving a beach.

*This means that for the coming trip, I have to add a little over 3k/h to my speed, which considering I've been riding... oh, I'd say four times in the past probably four years, is pretty damn good.

Aaaah

2010-07-09T09:09:00.001-07:00

That's aah like the noise Alfred makes after having a diet coke, not Aaaah there's a spider in my breakfast.

The weather broke last night. Stifling heat-death was replaced with coolness and lovely rain. In fact, my only complaint about this day so far is that all of the clocks in the house seem to be broken. I didn't believe the one in the kitchen that said it was five (am or pm, both quite unlikely), but I did believe the one in the den, which said it was ten (am)... I peeked at the computer only to discover it was already noon. Boo urns to that, I say. I want (need) to go for a bike, I'm just having some trouble working out where to go. I'm bloody hungry (The sheppard's pie I made last night made me really ill, so this morning I had a bite of the other kind, and now I still feel ill... which means it probably has more to do with the beef fat than with the little bit of cheese I put in the first kind).

Weeeel, I think that's it for right now. My dad has wandered off (bed?) and Rhiannon is watching stuff on the computer and if the boys are up, they're playing video games, though I don't think they've dragged their asses out of bed yet.

PS, the other clock in the kitchen just chimed 8:00

It is So Bloody Hot

2010-07-07T18:05:00.001-07:00

... and so am I. I joke, I joke. Sort of.

Ok, honestly, though, this is ridiculous. I'm wearing shorts and a tee shirt and I'm drenched in sweat. I wish it would rain. A lot. Right now.

Ok, so clearly that doesn't work the same way as having goblins steal your little brother... there's a thought. I could kill two birds with one stone: stop the incessant playing of Guitar Hero and meet pre-ghoul David Bowie in shiny capes and the infamous grey pants. I wonder if it's any cooler in the Goblin City. It practically has to be, and even if it's not, they've always got that pissing-dwarf statue in the city square.

Clearly, the heat is making me go a little wonky. I would go and have a cold shower, but I'm cooking lasagne for people (people not me, thanks to cheese death).

Earlier today, I made what I am now calling Egg Nog Cookie Bread, which basically consists of eggs, flour, vanilla extract and sugar stirred together then fried in a pan. It was actually pretty good, considering.

I smell gasoline. My Dad must be back with his truck. Yep, here he is. God, that's a nasty smell. I was wrong. That's my dad in his car, which is apparently having trouble.

Ok, I think I'm going to ride my bike to the grocery store, out of bordom and starvation. Happy reading, twits.

I guess I can't call you that if I'm not on twitter. Whatever.

I'm Out of My Effing Mind

2010-06-30T07:43:00.000-07:00

No, really, I am.

My brother Lincoln left in mid-June to go to Jasper, where he and Clayton have now (I think both?) got jobs. The plan, pre-lack-of-$, was to attend FanExpo and, at the end of August, bus to Jasper to visit (and to Field, and on to Vancouver). Now, because, as stated before, I'm out of my effing mind, my sister and I are planning to cycle to Jasper, then on to Field and Vancouver. Updates on our insanity to follow.

The Weight of Shadows

2010-06-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

The Weight of Shadows

Author: Alison Strobel

Publisher: Zondervan

Publication Date: May 7, 2010

Paperback, 320 pages

ISBN: 978-0310289456

I don't generally read a lot of Christian fiction. To put that more accurately, until recently I hadn't picked up a work of Christian fiction since I was still babysitting my cousins at their house (the youngest of these cousins has just finished grade 9, the oldest, her first year of university). I don't have anything against religious fiction as a rule; it's just that I rarely have occasion to read it. With Alison Strobel's The Weight of Shadows, the occasion found me - and I'm glad that it did.

The first thing that struck me about this book was how quickly I found myself caring about the characters. Not because they're the most amazing, wonderful, likeable people in the world, but, actually, because they're not. The characters in this book are, really, just people. They struggle. They make mistakes, like everyone else, some huge and life-altering and others mundane and inconsequential, but all of them mistakes that real people would make. Throughout the book, and especially toward the end, I found myself silently cheering them on or telling them off and willing them to make what seemed so obviously to be the right choices.

By the second chapter, the importance of the author's faith to her, and the roll it plays in her writing, is evident. Regardless of my own beliefs, I found myself awed by her expressions of that faith, from the inner thoughts and feelings of her three main characters to the little (but heartfelt) prayers that they utter throughout the entire novel. Before the three seemingly insular story lines start to intersect, they're held together by these thoughts, feelings and prayers.

I can only imagine the painstaking research that must have gone into making The Weight of Shadows the book that it is. Strobel offers readers a detailed look into the life and motivations of a battered woman, the workings of a shelter and the emotions of people trying to cope with long-standing guilt.

The Weight of Shadows is an interesting study in faith, love and the interdependence of people, thoroughly researched and uniquely executed. I'm glad I had the opportunity to read it.

About the author:

Alison inherited the writing gene from her father, Lee, and grew up composing stories on everything from napkins to typewriters. Her talent earned her awards throughout school, a two page spread featuring her work in her senior yearbook, and even saved her from failing college chemistry. But it wasn't until she moved to California after college that she wrote her first full-length novel, and that's when God made Alison's oldest dream come true.

--From Alison's website, www.alisonstrobel.com

For more information about the book, the author or the tour, check out Alison's Blog.

The Other Shop

2010-06-14T13:37:00.001-07:00

I forget how I found Skreened.com. Something I read on Twitter, I think. The FU, BP design was something I came up with while looking for components for a design Rhiannon had come up with and as soon as I thought of it, I had to try to sell it. So far, I've sold two, which considered my limited marketing, I think is pretty good.

Apparently, the guy on Twitter who started BPGlobalPR is donating the profits from his BP Cares shirt to clean up efforts (this is what I've heard, I don't want to put words in his mouth). You'd think that the world in general would be making more noise about the BP SNAFU, but it seems like an angry (albeit hillarious and informative) Twitter account and a few BP-hating tee shirts are about it for the Anti-BP movement.

That's all I have about that for right now. In a couple of days, my big brother and Clayton will be taking off for parts unknown (well, unknown to some people. I know where they're going). They're hitch hiking there, which makes me nervous, but they're going to be together which makes me considerably less nervous. Also in a couple of days, my little sister and her boyfriend get their first apartment (FINALLY). Also, my older sister is the maid of honour in an upcoming wedding and my youngest brother's elementary school graduation is in 8 days, so it seems like everyone has crazy fun stuff going on for the next little while. I'm tired from the activity going on around me and wishing I had fun stuff like this to look forward to at the moment.

On the other hand, Spoy and I have plans that end with us in Vancouver for a chunk of the fall, so I guess I shouldn't complain too much... of course, our plans are contingent on getting in to some medical studies (hooray for human guinea pigs!), but what can you do?

Ok, I think that's really it. Funny how most of this post has nothing to do with the other shop.

So,

2010-06-03T19:15:00.000-07:00

For the first time in a while, I'm not posting something about BP's giant cock up. Actually, I don't think I can write the post I was planning to write. I guess that's the problem with blogs: anyone could be reading.

I shall write instead about the nature of forgiveness and my growing mistrust of men. Forgiveness is easy. I think this has to do with my (ever-dwindling) intelligence. When I was a kid, I was smarter than almost everyone I knew. That didn't last, but the unfortunate habit of assuming that all people are idiots never really left me. So I guess I really don't forgive people for their slights against me, so much as assume that they're too stupid to have helped themselves. This all sounds very arrogant, but I'm being very general here. And, honestly, a lot of people are idiots. I like to pretend that when I let something go, it's because I'm being the bigger person, but really, I think I just stop caring. I can't be bothered with people any more.

I wasn't always a misanthrope, but I am now. I was thinking about that today while I ate dinner, alone at my kitchen table. There was no reason not to have a sit-down meal with everyone else, but I didn't even tell them dinner was ready. I cooked enough for everyone then ate alone. I prefer it that way. I love my family, but I have trouble being around anyone for too long, and that includes them.

As for my mistrust of men... I get where it stems from, but I'm having a little trouble figuring out why it manifests the way it does. I used to be a free-thinking modern woman, the kind who was driven nuts by all the stupid stereotypes applied to both genders, the kind who saw people as people and wasn't terribly worried what pair of chromosomes they sported. Now, I find myself on the verge of full-on feminism, suddenly understanding those dumb broads who say things like all men are dogs. Any more, he only men I really feel 100% comfortable around (aside from close friends and family) are the ones I know I could physically overpower if I needed to. I like to know I could take a guy in a fight. How's that for messed up?

So, there we go, some unsolicited introspection from me, while I wait for my SVU episode to finish loading. I'm going to watch the rest of it, then head for bed, I think. Got to get going on those morning work outs again if I wanna be tattoo-ready by the end of the summer.

Not Out of the Woods Yet

2010-05-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

It might seem like I have a bit of a one-track mind lately - and you know what? I do. Normally, I don't like to know what's going on in the world. I'm kind of known for how rarely I pick up a newspaper, for my total refusal to watch the news on TV. That's because everything that is deemed newsworthy by the media is awful and not something I want to spend my time thinking about. If this makes me intentionally ignorant, then I guess I'll have to own to that and move on, because nothing, not even this mess in the Gulf of Mexico, is likely to change my mind about the rock I live under.

I first heard about the oil leak a few weeks ago, when it had been going on for a while. My brother and our friend Clayton were talking about it as we headed down to the river, and to be honest, I thought they were exaggerating. The more I heard about it, the more I realised that they weren't, that the situation was every bit as bad as they said it was. Right before the whole thing with the beach and the dead fish, I did some research and was totally horrified by the crap BP was dishing out. I was also more than a little freaked about the debates going on online - and the fact that most of them seem to surround the question of whether BP will end the year in the red or in the black. The more I read, the more I became convinced that we're screwed. By we, I mean the whole planet. I don't think that any giant boats in China are likely to save us this time, with Chiwetel Ejiofor's help or not.

What's weird is that even though I really believed this was the end (and I don't think we're anywhere close to out of the woods yet), I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I haven't been writing, because all I could think about is that there wasn't any point, that I might not even live to see another book published. I've spent the past couple of weeks on autopilot, not wanting to put any effort into anything. That makes no sense, though, because I should have been running around, working my ass off to complete everything on the semi-formed bucket list I've had in my head for my whole life, instead of just going numb and crazy, not wanting to work toward anything and at the same time, making plans for a future I didn't believe in.

I found out about half an hour ago that the top kill thing (basically pouring mud into the oil well) has kind of worked, ish, that they've significantly slowed the amount of oil flowing into the ocean. Now, I have no idea if this is true or if it's just another big load of shit from BP, but when I read that news, I literally burst into tears.

Now I just feel inspired to do stuff. All stuff. I want to work out, get a good body so I can get a tattoo or 80. I've always wanted one, and the only thing holding me back has been my fear, not of the pain so much as that my future self won't like it. Well screw it... my present self is more important; my future self might not even exist. I want to get a job and be able to afford to live the way I want, I want to reconnect with old friends, and get rid of the unhealthy influences in my life. I want to climb Burges and go on multiple-day hikes. I want to find true love, which means I want to believe in true love. Right now, I want to do everything.

A Day at the Beach

2010-05-23T16:52:00.000-07:00

I was really, really excited to go to the beach today. I'd only been swimming once this year, on a day when it was really too cold to be swimming, so I was looking forward to spending some time in the water, if for no other reason than to spend some time not thinking about the problems we're having in other bodies of water around the world *cough*gulf*cough*. We drove to Turkey Point, stopping at a nice little cafe for cheeseburgers along the way (I shouldn't eat cheese, I know, but I love it too much) and arrived happy, if a little confused by the relative lack of activity on the beach. We parked the car and by the time we reached the actual sand, the calm of the beach was starting to make sense; it smelled absolutely foul. At first, we thought it was just where we were, gasses from a nearby stormdrain or something, so we moved. We moved twice before we decided that no, it really was the water. No matter, we thought, we would just sit on the beach and enjoy ourselves and try to ignore the overpowering stench blowing in off the water.

There were these neat little birds by the water, all black with white eyes, and I decided that I was going to sneak up on one and get a picture, so off I went. The smell from the water was awful, but I figured I would brave it. The bird flew away before I could even get it in focus, but the closer I got to the water, the more I realized that the little bits of drifwood and garbage floating on the waves were neither driftwood nor garbage. They were fish. A lot of fish.

Combine that with the thick, purplish haze hanging in the otherwise clear blue sky and you have what I consider to be a fairly horrifying situation. Add the fact that thousands of barrels worth of oil are spewing into the gulf of Mexico per day, that given their history, the situation on any given day is likely to be 1,000 times worse than BP is willing to admit, and I'm pretty sure we have the first sign of Armageddon. Lucky us.

What's really awful is that I've had a horrible feeling about this whole oil leak business for days, horrible, as in: time to pack up and head for the mountains - and I've been telling myself that I'm being paranoid or overreacting or something. Then I get to the beach and see this. We really are all going to die.

I think I'm going to be sick.

2010-05-21T23:48:00.000-07:00

My family has been talking a lot about the oil leak the past couple of days. It's almost funny to think that the world really could end in 2012. If they don't do something to stop this, we'll all suffocate.

They is kind of ambiguous term. They are the people who have some sort of grasp of science, some idea of how you would even try to stop something like this... and for some reason, the they that are in charge of - if we're being realistic - the fate of the world are the same dumb bastards who caused this in the first place.

BP. I don't care how much overtime they were offering, what incentives they were giving, if I worked for them, I'd have jumped ship as soon as I found out about this. As if it's not bad enough that they've pretty well doomed the planet, BP's spokespeople seem content to lie repeatedly about the scope of the damages they have caused and the liklihood that they'll be able to fix them.

BP's publicised* estimates are that the leak is pumping five thousand barrels of oil into the water per day. Every non-BP estimate ranges from twenty to over approximately one hundred thousand barrels of oil leaking per day. BP has managed to recover a huge amount of oil. 5,000 barrels a day, as a matter of fact. So how is it that the oil is still leaking? Hmm, let us ponder. Could it be because their 5,000 barrel per day leak estimate is a big load of horse shit? Yes, I think it could be because of that.

Oh, another fun fact. BP won't let any independent scientists collect data from the spill itself, because apparently, how much oil is actually spilling into the gulf is irrelevant - in fact, knowing might detract from the effort to stop the leak. Now, it could just be me being dumb and blonde and uneducated and female, but I would think that actually having facts about the problem might help them figure out the best way to stop it.

I can just imagine the heads of BP discussing this:

Sir, maybe we should let some independents look at this, so they'll know what we're dealing with and be able to help. Are you crazy? Then they'll know what a colossal cock up we've made of this. What else have you got? Um... we could see if we could drill that relief well we've been planning since last month. No, wait. Better idea. We'll drop a big dome on it. Wait, that didn't work? Let's drop a smaller dome on top of the big one. Wait, the exact same thing happened as what happened with the first dome? No problem, we'll fill leak with mud. No, better: pressurised garbage. Sounds good to me. Let me know if nothing works and the species is about to die. No, better just call me if you stop it.

So there we go. I'm pretty sure we're all at least mostly doomed. Time to eat drink and be merry, everyone; tomorrow you might be dead.

*there's a lot to suggest that their internal estimates are much higher.

100?

2010-05-19T06:49:00.000-07:00

Apparently, this is my 100th post. I don't know; that number seems low to me.

I feel like I should be making it a 100 best post, or a look back at all the things I've blogged about, but iunno. Maybe I'll do that with my 1000th post or something. Right now I want to muse about why, after going to bed post-4:00am, I woke up at 8:00 and then couldn't get back to sleep. It's not that I'm not tired. I had nightmares half the night (or half of half the night, I guess), but I managed to get to sleep after the last one that I remember, so I know it wasn't them keeping me up.

I'm super sore from my workout yesterday. For some reason, the area where I go to work out was swarming with preteen boys yesterday. I don't know if it was a youth group or what, but 30+ boys decended on the equipment and the area where I stretch, so as a result, I didn't stretch properly, then had to run to keep ahead of them... and now I'm in pain. It's nice that they're doing stuff outside; I just wish they were doing it elsewhere.

There are so many places to buy Aigaion Girl online now. There's even one site that's renting it. This makes me incredibly happy. Also, I found out today that copies not sold direct from Amazon.com can take up to 60 days to show up in my sales history, so I could (in theory, knock on wood and all that) have sold copies that I don't even know about.

Also, in A/G news, I gave it to my sister for the tour and she gave it to her boyfriend, who gave it to a friend of his. Her boyfriend said he liked it, but didn't like the pacing, and then didn't elaborate, because he said my sister would glare at him if he did, so I'm still not 100% sure what he meant. So far, he's the only person I know of who hasn't liked it, so my batting average is still pretty high.

Now, I'm off to watch some SVU before people start trying to use the computer... at some point today, I guess I have to apply for a bunch more jobs, too.

Ugh.

2010-05-17T23:58:00.000-07:00

It's nearly three in the morning and I'm still up, mainly because megavideo is a jerk and constantly decides after about 55 minutes that I've watched 72 minutes of video and cuts me off for half an hour. And because I'm addicted to Law & Order SVU. I've got maybe ten minutes before I can watch the rest of my episode, and then I'll probably try to watch another one because I'm a glutton for punishment.

In other TV related news, OH MY GOD, HOUSE! Season finalle was SO much better than the SPN one, mainly because SPN's was sad and House's was AMAZING.

I applied for eight million jobs today. Hopefully I'll get one.

OH! Apparently, William Shatner, Michael Dorn and James Marsters are ALL going to be at FanExpo this year. Holy fucking god, people. If I actually meet Michael Dorn, I'm going to go all squee and fall down. I'mna have to make a Worf chibi now... and prolly some extra Kirk stuff.

Also, I've found the place where I want to have the Aigaion Girl signing party... I just need $150 to fall out of the sky so I can rent it, and to possibly borrow some industrial water heaters from my Gran.

Ookie, come ooooon, SVU. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed.

Did I Say You Could Stop Believing?

2010-05-11T10:59:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I completely forgot to write the rest of my update on May 7th, and now I have no idea what I planned to say. So, a new update:

1. I'm still sick, but not as sick.

2. Aigaion Girl is available in 8,000,000 (27) countries around the world.

3.The A/G WORLD TOUR (not tm) started yesterday. Moloch and the book head to Mississauga and from there, who knows? (you can follow the tour's progress here, here, here or here.)

4. My Twitter searched itself for Justin Bieber; I swear to God. I should have taken a screen cap; it was so effing weird.

5. I'm babysitting the office today; getting a fair bit of my own work done.

6. Now that we have Interwebz back, I plan to update this site and Devereaux Court a lot more often, starting with a rather lengthy post about gender bias in the book market.

7. I don't have this many things; I just feel like I should stretch this out to ten points.

8. The stuff for FanExpo is coming together nicely. I'm still trying to figure out how many books to bring.

9. I'm madly in love with my chiropractor.

10. I don't really have a chiropractor.

Don't Stop Believing

2010-05-07T09:56:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to that song right now. The original. The Glee version has its merits, but it's over-referenced.

Anywhom, a quick update, while I'm waiting for my ride: I'm still sick, though not as sick as I was at my last post. I had been getting better, but I got caught out in a kick ass thunderstorm, and very, very wet. Now I think I've got a cold on top of my chest infection, but I'm fighting it off.

I spent yesterday making bookmarks and stuff for FanExpo, as well as working on the instruction sheet for Aigaion Girl's WORLD TOUR(tm(not really))... and now I have to cut this short because my ride's almost here.

Sigh

2010-04-26T10:47:00.000-07:00

This may be fairly incoherent; I'm really sick and I'm fairly sure I have a fever, so making sense isn't exactly my strong point right now. I just figured I should update, since I haven't done that for a while.

Three more copies of my book arrived today. One will be going to Alison Strobel, an author who I'm trading reviews with; one will go to my public library, if they're willing to take it (there's a whole thing about that, which I probably should have posted when it happened... basically, they usually don't take self-published stuff); and the last will be going on a tour around the world, unfortunately, without me (check out aigaiongirl.blogspot.com for more of an explanation).

What else? I'm horribly sick, but I may have mentioned that already.

Rhiannon gets home today, which is cool, but I don't know when she's coming and due to the lack of mattress, I'm not 100% sure where I'll be sleeping once she gets here.

I really need to bathe and change my clothes, but it just seems like so much work right now... plus, to be honest, I'm a little worried that I'll pass out in the tub and drown.

Alright, I think I should end this here, because it's stopped making any sense (assuming it started out making sense). I'm trying to get myself to update this blog every day and Devereaux Court a minimum of every three days... right. So, bathing, then store to take back the movie, then bed, to sleep the rest of this sickness away.

Molly Dolly

2010-04-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

As much as I've been complaining lately, about various things, I suppose I should really just learn to be grateful for what I have. For example, I have an extremely supportive older sister - and as a result I have an adorable Moloch doll, the first ever Aigaion Girl merchandise*. Rhiannon made him for me as a Happy Book Release present. Notice how he's holding an Apple and even has a little loincloth? So damn cute. He even stands up on his own. I asked her how she did that, when his head is bigger than his boddy. She said she 'just did'.

Also, as part of further release festivities, she dug through the liquor store for ages to find a cider that I would a) enjoy and b) be able to drink (along with my wonderful spontaneous inability to eat/drink dairy, I seem to be developing a sensitivity to sulphites. Hooray.). She bought four cans, so we could toast to my book release and to my first sales.

So there you have it, my sister the genious.

*Even though this Molly is (and will remain) one of a kind, he's the basic prototype for the Moloch dolls that we plan to sell at our table at FanExpo.

In other news, I've been working a lot on 200 Pages today. I think I've come up with a fairly unique story to go in the main story (there's another story inside that one. It's kind of confusing, actually)... I'm really looking forward to getting this one finished and published.

Also, I left work early today because I was sick. It was so weird, it was like I had all of the physical symtoms of drunkeness with none of the fun parts; my arms and legs felt heavy and tingly, my face felt numbish, and I could focus on anything.... I'm telemarketing and I couldn't even stay fully conscious long enough to dial a number... plus my vision was blurring, so I couldn't read my script properly and I'm damned if I could recite it from memory (it's a really easy script). Anyway, it loses me a night of pay (and possibly Friday's stat pay) but what can you do?

Anywhom, it's nearly 11:00, so I should probably eat something. Yay fooid.

I Could Be at the Beach Right Now, But...

2010-04-04T15:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know. My day pretty much got killed by my own stupidity in believing that "not too long" referred to a time period spanning less than five and a half hours. We were supposed to go to the office for "not too long" - in order to make a phone call, in fact, and I went along because there was something I needed to pick up. We were all hungry, so we went to a restaurant. About five seconds after we got there, my mother and my brother got into an argument which was essentially about nothing, but got heated enough that my mum ended up leaving (I would have too, probably, but the whole thing was still ridiculous). I followed her out, and so did my brother, and we got in the car, then drove to the office by way of our house (probably about 25-30 minutes, when all is said and done) with them fighting, and me just putting up with it, because I still had to go to the office and get my papers (now crumpled, but that's a different story). By the time we reached the office, they had stopped fighting, or figured it out, or, for once, just shut up about it, and since we were all still hungry, it was decided that we had to go back out, to another restaurant. That was fine, but I ended up spending nearly twice as much on my meal as I would have had to at the other place, and getting something I didn't like as much. Also, we were there for a really long time. When we finally got into the office, instead of the necessary phone call being made, my mother and brother decided to talk about random stuff for probably an hour and a half, then make the phone call, then talk, then call back, talk on the phone, etc., etc. So, I did all the stuff I needed to do (took Aigaion Girl down :( and some other stuff), then got bored with waiting, so started to work on other stuff. While I was in the middle of something, they announced that they were ready to leave, and I said I would be a little while 'cause I was kind of still working on stuff... about five minutes later, I was informed that they were waiting for me, so I shut my system down, only to be told that I didn't need to log off yet. Then we spent about ten minutes shutting everything down and locking up (coincidentally, if I'd had the ten minutes, I would have finished what I was working on)... then we came home, and everyone else went to various places (the beach, the movies) and I elected to stay here, because I honestly think I'd have ended up slugging someone if I had to spend another five minutes hanging around while people while they pretend to be happy... and I'm too tired to fake happy right now, and I can't deal with repeatedly being asked why I'm miserable or accused of being grumpy and/or surly.

So, that's my whining for the day. I'm back to work tomorrow because my employers decided to change their minds after telling us we'd get Monday off... and I would totally skip work (because that's a crap thing to do to people) but that would mean I was no longer eligable for Friday's stat pay, which would suck royal ass.

I think I'm going to go and rent a movie. This is the first time in a while that I'm going to have the whole house entirely to myself for a couple of hours and I don't want to waste it.

So...

2010-03-30T18:13:00.001-07:00

A couple of things. The big one, of course, is that I got my suitcase back today. Greyhound called me this morning, and told me they had found it (over two months after the fact). It's funny that it should have happened today; yesterday, my sister offered to crochet me a new blanket to replace the one that was in my suitcase, and the day before, I was in a Coles, totally unable to bring myself to buy a new copy of Pride and Prejudice, my favourite one (I thought) having been lost forever. Yesterday was the first day I stopped believing I would see any of this stuff again.

Also, the response to the fact that Aigaion Girl is available has been overwhelmingly good, but as of yet, not particularly profitable. Everyone is very pleased, but so far, no one has bought a copy. I'm trying not to let this bother me; everyone in the world is poor right now and not a lot of people have credit cards and/or the money to buy random books. Besides, if I manage to plan a signing event, that should help me some, as should a table at FanExpo. Plus, I haven't even sent out a press release yet, so no one who doesn't know me will know that this book exists. Anyway, I'm mostly excited about it.

I think that was it for tonight. Another craptastic day at work, and I missed my workout and am a little bummed about that and some other stupid stuff going on, but on the whole, things are good.

Libyan Arab Jamahiriya

2010-03-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted one of these for a while because most of the countries that appear in my FictionPress readers list any more are ones I've heard of. Of course, I've heard of Libya, I just didn't realize that its official name was the Great Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya until I saw that I had a reader there and looked it up. It's a country located in North Africa, which borders the Mediterranean Sea to the North, Egypt to the east, Sudan to the southeast, Chad and Niger to the South and Algeria and Tunisia to the west. Libya is the fourth largest country in Africa by area, and the 17th largest in the world. The Libyan flag, which is solid green, is the only national flag in the world with just one colour and no other design.

I Was So Excited About My Book That I Almost Forgot to Check PostSecret

2010-03-22T22:34:00.000-07:00

I guess elated would be as good a word as any, to describe the way I'm feeling. Maybe a bit shocky. Nearly a year and a half ago, I started writing Aigaion Girl ...a story of the end of days for the 2009 NaNoWriMo contest. I knew I wasn't going to win the contest, and I didn't care, I just wanted to write something. I picked Aigaion Girl because I didn't think the plot was very strong and I wanted to write something that if I trashed it by writing too fast, I wouldn't be that worried about. When I started posting chapters on FictionPress, I wasn't expecting much of a response, and at first, I didn't get one. Then, slowly but surely, I started to get comments. Those comments kept me writing and eventually, I fell in love with my characters and their story. Before I knew it, I couldn't stop writing.

And now, now my book is for sale. Actually for sale. People who are not me, people who don't even know me can find my book, buy it and read it. It's out there now.

It'll probably be a couple of weeks before it's available on Amazon; right now, it's only available here, on a little out-of-the-way corner of Createspace, but this is still an amazing feeling. I want to run through the streets shouting and I want to break down and cry. I can't even... Oh Lord, there aren't even words.

One of the things I look forward to most about the weekend is on Sunday, when the new secrets go up on PostSecret. I just love reading through them and composing my own, even if I know I may never send any of them. One of the secrets for today, I thought, was just so fitting with respect to my book and my excitement, that it would have been a real shame to have missed it (because of my book and my excitement). I love that secret, because I think it is the exact way to look at the end of the world and I love that it was posted this weekend, just a day before Aigaion Girl went on sale, because it makes me think that there might be some kind of higher meaning to the universe, which is something of a comforting thought.

Alice in Shutter(is)land

2010-03-18T08:20:00.000-07:00

I know I have a million things to review, but these are the most recent, so I thought I would mention something about them while they're still fresh in my mind.

Shutter Island: ★★★★★
Martin Scorsese and Leonardo Dicaprio team up once again for a psychological thriller about an inescapable island which contains a hospital for the criminally insane. Dicaprio plays a federal marshal, who goes to the island to find a missing patient. Wackiness ensues. First, let me just say that both of the full yellow stars go to the cast for outsanding performances. In fact, the bits of the movie that were just movie were really, really good. Unfortunately, there were parts of the movie that tried to be art, fell drastically short, and just ended up being annoying. The biggest bone I had to pick with this film was with the soundtrack. Honestly, this rates worse than the Troy soundtrack in terms of trying to convey meaning to an audience which is apparently too stupid to gather it from the information provided. Instead of music, they may as well have had a voice over saying "something suspenseful is happening" or "something is going to jump out at you now" or even, "this is creepy, in case you didn't know". For a better understanding of what I'm getting at, both in terms of music and movies attempting to be art, see the Mirror, Father Mirror scene from Ghost World here.

Alice in Wonderland: ★★★★★
Being that this was number (I think 7) of the Johnny Depp + Tim Burton movies (I think it's number 4 with Helena Bohem Carter (with Johnny Depp), number 2 including Alan Rickman), I expected to thoroughly enjoy it. I was not disappointed. Along with the aforementioned cast members, Stephen Fry joined the mix, and was, as expected, quite excellent.

This movie does not follow the book (thank jebus). It's more of a sequal to the book, with some familiar scenes, but mostly just completely original. Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter had a lot more depth to him than I was expecting. Also, newcomer Mia Wasikowska did very well as Alice, and Chrisopher Lee was the best Jaberwocky ever, even if it is actually called a Jaberwock in the book and Jaberwocky is the name of the poem.

The only things I wasn't thrilled with were the ending (which made me kinda sad) and the Mad Hatter's dance (which was just ridiculous). Those two things cost the movie a whole star, but still, I'd watch it again (and again, and again)

Erp

2010-03-16T23:06:00.000-07:00

Wyatt? Who knows?

Anywhom, on to other stuff.

I'm going CRAZY waiting for proof #2 of Aigaion Girl to show up at my door. It should be here sometime within the next few days.

Also, I'm uber tired on account of it being 2 and me still being up. I think I'll go to bed now.

The Work Out

2010-03-03T09:55:00.001-08:00

After seven months of doing next to nothing (partially due to my going to B.C., partially due to my ankle crapping out on me and largely due to my own laziness) I've decided to start working out again. The night before last, I went and bought an ankle brace and my sister brewed some tea (we are taking Marrakech Mint right now) and yesterday morning, after accidentally sleeping in, we set out for a trip around our old work out route.

I was surprised, both by what I can still do and by what I no longer can do. Sit ups, I can still do. Apparently, buried in there somewhere are some abs, nearly forgotten, but still strong enough to bend me in half. Also, I managed to do seven reps on the knee killer yesterday, which given the state of my knee, I thought was pretty amazing. The dip station gave me a little more trouble. It wasn't quite as bad as the first time I tried it, but yesterday, once I had lowered myself down, I still couldn't get back up. Today, I did two whole reps before my arms gave out on me. Also, even though I've been extremely tired post-work out, I feel like I could keep going indefinitely.

Today was beautiful, and on top of the nice weather, we met a nice lady who was been doing the circuit with her dog since the beginning of February (and I thought we were being troopers for starting in March). She goes three times a week, she said.

Tomorrow, all things being equal, my older brother will be joining us for our work out. I'm also going to message my younger sister and see if I can't convince her to come along as well.

Now, if I could just remember to write in my work out journal, I'd be all set.

PS - We've already started planning for 2010's trip down the river. It's going to kick ass.

I Know, I'm Still Up. Sue Me.

2010-02-27T22:51:00.000-08:00

Sometime in mid-June, I found out that one of my former high school teachers was going to be having an art show in February. I had no intention of being anywhere near here by then (now), so, other than being disappointed that I wasn't going to be able to make it, I didn't give it a lot of thought.

One of the first things that occured to me after I got back was that I was now going to be able to see this show. I'd been looking forward to it since December, and last night (technically the night before last, since it's now Sunday) I went with Spoy to see it.

Bloody Amazing. Anyone in the area (especially anyone who's grown up in our fair city) needs to see this. Go to the Arts Block sometime within the next month and enjoy. There's more info here.

OK, Yes, I Should Be in Bed, But...

2010-02-27T22:37:00.000-08:00

I've been working on the story with the rock in, just on the notes (if I can hold off writing actual content, I may work on 200 Pages until November and use this as my NaNo). So far, I've managed to come up with:

A detailed plot for probably the first 8th of the book and a very rough plot for the entire first half.
The names and descriptions of six characters who I didn't even know were in the book until this evening.
A name for the overall series (because this book is already convoluted enough that it's going to end up as a series).
A rough explanation for why the evil thing acts the way it does (other than that it's just evil)

I think that's it. Still, that's pretty good for one evening's work.

In other news, my Gran had her grand opening today for her tea shop. Everything went very well; the place was jam-packed for the entire four hours of the event. Lincoln and I worked on her website in between serving tea (I'm still uber sick, btw). It was a good day.

Afterwards, the family went out for dinner, and after that, I went to Wal Mart with my mum, Vicky and her boyfriend and bought myself some very snazzy children's shoes, because my feet are abnormally small and it's cheaper for me to buy kids shoes (also, because they don't make ones with rainbow stars that sparkle for adults).

We watched Surrogates tonight, which I think I'm going to have to add to the long list of books and movies that I need to review. I might get to some of those tomorrow; I plan on making it a *very* lazy day.

Blargh?

2010-02-24T19:42:00.000-08:00

I'm really sick, so this may not be entirely coherent. My temperature has been rising steadily all day, which, oddly enough, puts it at the high end of average (I guess I was cold this morning?) and for some reason, that makes it hard to think. Also, I have the worst sore throat of forever, so I called in sick to work. Telemarketing with no voice isn't exactly a walk in the park.

Sometime when I feel less like ass, I'm going to review a couple of things. To Catch A Thief being one, The Bridges of Madison County being another and Safe House being yet another. I also have some Pratchett in there I want to talk about and a book I want to add to my 2009 reading list, but I can't recall the name of either right now.

Today, if I wasn't sick, would be like a dream day of laziness. I slept in until 1:00, watched a movie, called in sick to work, went back to bed until 8:00, sent my brother to the store for treats and then watched another movie. Unfortunately, my head hurts and I feel like I'm going to pass out.

There we go, an update in the life of Athena McCormick, for your reading pleasure... or at least your mild, fleeting interest ;p

Food then Work then Movie then Bed

2010-02-22T12:51:00.000-08:00

Tends to be how my life goes. Probably I should bathe somewhere in there. Some day in the near future, I'm going to have to write and impressively long blog post about something, but since I have to go get dressed for work and I'm spending tomorrow designing another website, that will probably have to wait until Wednesday or Thursday (I actually have plans this weekend. The mind reels). This post should serve as a reminder to me to review To Catch A Thief with Cary Grant and Grace Kelly, which I saw last night and which was quite good. For now, food.

MY WEBSITE HAS FINALLY BEEN LAUNCHED!

2010-02-21T15:57:00.001-08:00

After a lot of years of agonizing over various things pertaining to my website (design, content, etc.), it's finally all finished, and, if I say so myself, it looks AMAZING. Lincoln did an amazing job helping me improve my designs then converting them into working code I am very, very pleased.

Now, of course, it's on to other things: getting A/G out there to the public, designing other websites, sitting down and writing 200 Pages and the other one. For right now, though, I'm seriously tempted just to kick my feet up and declare all done and refuse to do anything productive for the next month at least. Alas, that's not quite how it works. I'm going to do some quick PR, then it's back to the grindstone for me.

Some News(ish) in No Particular Order

2010-02-19T17:35:00.000-08:00

Sninpo. Sounds like an evil clown.

I'm currently reading Terry Pratchett's The Truth, which is about news and is very good, and I'll be posting a review of as soon as I've finished it.

I took my dog (who is now lying behind me, looking sad) for an extra-long walk last night, and it was cold so my back was tensed and it still hurts.

I'm working on two new(ish) stories, 200 Pages and one which has yet to be named (currently known as: The one with the rock in). I think they both have major potential.

I need some money so I can order a new proof copy of Aigaion Girl with the new revisions, but I won't get paid until next week, which means I'm probably looking at well over a month before A/G is available for sale :(

I effing hate my job. I'm going to have to find a new one soon, I think. Basically, I get paid to bother people in the middle of dinner and try to sell them things they don't want. At the moment, I'm consolling myself by taking people off the list when they say they're absolutely not interested (we're supposed to put them on a list to be called back next year) and simply saying "thanks for your time" when people tell me they're too busy to talk to me. As a result, I'm not doing anywhere near as well as my co-workers, but then, I can look at myself in the mirror every day without wanting to throw up, so there you go. Apparently, next month, we're going to start working 6 days a week. Yeah, I think not.

I'm starving, but since the wonderful spontaneous lactose intolerance began, I've had the number of things that I can eat radically cut back, and there's pretty close to nothing in the house that I can actually eat right now without getting sick (Did anyone know that KD uses real cheese? I certainly didn't). Well, I think there might be some beef broth, but I'm not sure if that counts.

I think that wraps up this post. I've got some stuff to type out for the notes on the story with the rock in, and then I'm going to go to the store and see if I can't find something edible.

Also, I need to check if I still have an English Grammar and Usage Book. I know mine went missing, but I can't remember if I replaced it...

Ugh.

2010-02-12T13:05:00.000-08:00

So I have a twitter account now. I got it because my sister thought it would be good to get some people following me before the launch of my website, because that way, every time I post something, I can tweet, and people will come and read my site. I agree with her, obviously, or I wouldn't have the account. Generally, I'm against twitter and everything it stands for. I can't imagine who would care what I'm doing every minute of every day. I mean, people should be living their lives, not following mine.

That being said, I am following Neil Gaiman, John Cleese and Stephen Fry, and that's pretty cool... I don't know. I guess as long as I faithfully post once or twice a day, people will eventually start following me, which is eerie, but I guess good.

Blah.

Losing My Faith

2010-02-11T11:49:00.000-08:00

I've lost my faith in Happily Ever After.

This is partly because people are total morons, and partly because I think I've been damaged beyond the capacity for happiness. I'd love to blame it all on the fact that men are idiots, but I can't, in good conscience, do that.

Men are idiots, true. I mean, I'm sure there are men who aren't, but there can't be many and those that are out there tend to get snatched up at the first chance some woman (luckier than me) gets. Out of the men I've been really close to (excluding family members), I've been treated well by... lets say four and a half of them (the jury's still out on the half). Of those, one is an ex, one is married, one is madly in love with his girlfriend and one is married and has a son who's older than I am (I should mention that I'm talking about all men that I've been close to, not just ones I've had some sort of romantic interest in or involvement with). The half is... I don't know. Part of me knows he's being a dick, and a big part of me is trying to convince myself otherwise - because I don't want to think that I fell for another asshole. I don't want to think I was stupid enough to be duped. On the other hand, I was never as emotionally invested in him as I used to get, there weren't any promises made, and no expectations, so other than not figuring out that it's generally considered good form to reply when someone asks you a direct question, he hasn't done anything wrong. He wasn't using me, or if he was, it wasn't any more than I was using him. We had a wonderful time together, and that's what I try to remember.

I really wish I could have a good cry and get him out of my system, but unfortunately (possibly fortunately - the jury's out on that, too), I don't think I can cry over a guy any more. I think that the guy I spent most of my teenage years and my earliest twenties pining over has drained me dry, and if there are any strong emotions left in me, they're buried so deep that it'll be a long time before they surface.

So, that's that. Maybe I should just try to hold out until some Gary Oldman clone wanders out of the woodwork and swoops me off my feet... yep, someone British, gorgeous and pro-cross-dressing. Sounds good to me.

So there's my rant about men. I really do think it's time for me to get the hell out of dodge, as they say, and head... I don't know. Anywhere.

Your Rates

2010-02-09T22:29:00.000-08:00

So I'm in a bit better of a mood tonight. I called in sick to work, cleaned my kitchen, and for the first time in three or four nights, didn't cook dinner. After dinner we played Trivial Pursuit 6, which I came second in, which was pretty good, considering I was losing for most of the game.

Also, I've been going nuts lately, because I keep seeing signs for the real estate company Royal LePage, and I haven't been able to work out where I've seen the name before (I thought maybe it was a character in one of my stories)... it turns out that I titled a post Royal LePage because I saw one of their business cards or something on the desk where I was typing the post.

And the point of this post... I think it's time to go walk about. I really can't imagine where I'll go that I'll be happy (after the Rockies didn't do it, it's hard to think of somewhere that would), but I really think I should keep trying. Actually, I'm considering taking a two-three week vacation back to B.C. in the summer... I could bus out and bus back; I'd really just like to climb Burgess while the weather's warm... but I still have my dream of just loading up my backpack, wandering off, and hoping I end up somewhere cool... I think a lot of my problem is that I really dislike people, and most places have those.

Oh, also, I'm not going to school in the fall. The deadline for equal consideration was Feb 1st, and I didn't have (and still don't have) the $95 to pay for the application. Oh well. Can't be helped. I was already getting squirrelly at the idea of having to hang around the same place for a two year program, so maybe it's for the best.

I think that's everything for tonight. I kind of wish I could express exactly what I'm feeling, but I don't know that it's possible, and anyway, it's twenty to two in the am and I need to go to bed.

At Risk of Sounding Like a 5 Year Old

2010-02-07T18:10:00.000-08:00

I hate my job. I hate everything about my job (by the way, I got a new job). I am a telemarketer selling lawn care, which means my profession is annoying people during their dinner. At the end of every day, I get a stern look from my boss which suggests that whatever I've done, it's not good enough. I'm dreading going back tomorrow.

Also, today has pretty much sucked. The reason I'm working my awful job is that I can't get anything else. My entire family is broke. As a result, what I've eaten today is 1 pancake (bad idea, because I shouldn't have dairy), 1 potatoe, 1/4 of a can of salmon and one chocolate bar. I'm stuck at my mother's office, because I was stupid enough to come in here today (I spent ALL DAY yesterday working for free for my gran, which I don't mind doing, 'cause she deserves it), figuring I could get some of my own stuff done. I did get a lot of my own stuff done, but over the course of the day, my office has been disassembled, because, apparently, my dividers don't need to be held up by anything; we're just going to wedge them between my desk and the filing cabinet on the other side. Yeah, that won't look stupid at all.

Then, around 7:00pm, my mum had to run to take my dad to see my grandma, because my grandma isn't well and was convinced she lived somewhere other than where she does. My mum was gone a couple of hours (I should mention that this office is pretty much in the middle of nowhere) and now that she's back, they're probably going to be another two hours rearranging the office furniture.

I call this the game of How retarded can we make our office look? We're going for a new record, I think.

Okay, I think I'm done whining.

In other news, I've finished my edits to Aigaion Girl a second time, but I need to change the cover art slightly (I adjusted the margins at the suggestion of my family and ended up with an extra 8-10 pages), which I'll have to do from the computer at home... which means I have to download Inkscape, but that's not a huge deal.

Also, I posted an article on Devereaux Court and worked out the content for my website.

The Books I Read in '09 - in No Particular Order

2010-02-03T12:47:00.000-08:00

Monstrous Regiment - Terry Pratchett ★★★★★

Reaper Man - Terry Pratchett ★★★★★

Nation - Terry Pratchett ★★★★★

Equal Rites - Terry Pratchett ★★★★★

Soul Music - Terry Pratchett ★★★★★

Jingo - Terry Pratchett ★★★★★

Night Watch - Terry Pratchett ★★★★★

A Painted House - John Grisham★★★★★

My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult ★★★★★

Out of the Night That Covers Me - Pat Cunningham Devoto ★★★★★

Mansfield Park - Jane Austen ★★★★★

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen ★★★★★

The Memory Keeper's Daughter - Kim Edwards ★★★★★

Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden ★★★★★

Dead Until Dark - Charlaine Harris ★★★★★

Keep Calm and Carry On

2010-01-26T11:02:00.000-08:00

That's all I've got.

It's Here!!!!!

2010-01-21T08:03:00.000-08:00

The proof copy of Aigaion Girl finally arrived! It looks like a real, live book. I would post pictures, but unfortunately, the only related pictures I have at the moment are of me in my PJs when it first arrived, and though I look happy in them, my hair has definitely seen better days.

Unfortunately, I've already found three mistakes (as of page 7), which is kind of immensely sucktastic, but there you go.

Now I need to apply for a TIN with the IRS (I love how important that sounds), fix the mistakes, order a new proof copy without said mistakes and then start selling. Selling looks like it's about two weeks and $30USD away... but still, eXiteD!

In entirely unrelated news, I saw the second-last (ever!) episode of Dollhouse. I'm pro you-never-saw-it-coming twists, but I didn't like this one. It didn't seem to fit with the show at all.